Magic items. Objects imbued with magic in order to make them better, or even gain a completely different function. But apparently the only places they exist are in monster hoards and adventurers' backpacks.
Realistically however, everyone wants things that are better at what they do. And eventually, people get what they want.
Today i will go over some objects that are useful outside of the context of adventuring, as well as how they might change the world around them. I will not mention artifacts, since those are one-of-a-kind objects with pre-established locations, usage, etc.
While the topic has always existed, Tasha's Cauldron has added a few interesting toys to our proverbial tool box, which makes this as good a time as any to take a look and
Much like in the Spells and Society post, the rarer an item the more amazingly powerful it must be to be worthy of mention. Actually i recommend reading that post before this one. Since a lot of magic items just allow you to cast spells for free, knowing which spells alter the world gives a good idea of which items can do the same.

Uncommon

+1 tools.
That's right, +1 tools. Not +1 weapons.
Consider a guard. How much of his time is actually spent fighting? A minute every other day? That's not getting a lot of use out of his sword. Even a soldier spends weeks marching, or months guarding a fort, and then only fights for a few minutes or hours. Even if a guard has a superb weapon that doubles his combat effectiveness, it only makes him 1% or 2% better at being a guard[1]. Given a choice of uncommon item, any guard and most soldiers would rather have a Weapon of Warning to prevent being backstabbed, ambushed or caught off-guard.
Now consider a lumberjack or miner. They spend several hours a day hitting trees and rocks. An enchanted axe, saw or pickaxe would see continuous use in their hands. Not only that, magic items are also described as being "at least as durable as a nonmagical item of its kind. Most magic items, other than potions and scrolls, have resistance to all damage". This means the +1 pickaxe would be far, far more resilient to wear and tear than a mundane one, potentially being passed down for generations. And with your miners and lumberjacks being more efficient, you need less of them. Which in turn means you get to have more guards.
Another noteworthy thing here is adamantine items. They deal automatic critical damage to objects and are much harder to destroy. In other words, they're great at chopping trees and ores, bending hot metal, cutting cloth, plowing a field, etc. All while having a fraction of the wear and tear.
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Bags of Holding, Handy Haversacks and Portable Holes.
AKA your transporty boyes.
The bag of holding is an old favorite among players, and the reason is obvious: it has a million uses.
Most adventurers use it for carrying all their junk. The bad guys in the original Baldurs Gate game used bags of holding to smuggle whole shipments to and from their iron mine base with just one guy. One of my players once put a huge boulder in it, then flew up and dropped the boulder on an enemy transport ship. And let us not forget the classic Arrowhead of Total Destruction.
All of these are perfectly valid uses. Smuggling a small object is easier than smuggling a large object. Dropping huge objects from a high place turns anything that flies into a siege weapon. And the Arrowhead, while expensive, can deal with very large threats that could level a city.
But honestly, every merchant is a smuggler at heart. After all, as long as brigands roam the roads, there will always be a need to hide your valuables in an extraplanar space small enough to fit any orifice. Not only that, the bag allows you to dump a cart entirely and just ride to your destination much faster (and therefore, more safely).
Of course not every merchant can afford a bag of holding, so this brings about an interesting topic of inequality in your campaign. Some merchants can go from A to B faster and more safely on a horse, while the majority must go with a bull-drawn cart that is slow and vulnerable. And bags of holding don't even require attunement, so once you have one and your income soars you can get another, and another... Its a serious rich-get-richer situation, and you risk running all the mundane merchants out of business.
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Broom of Flying.
I'm gonna start this one with saying that brooms of flying and carpets of flying are overpowered. They are consistently better than items of similar rarity that provide the same benefit, like boots and wings of flying. The reason here is, in my humble opinion, the same reason why Fireball deals more damage than any 3rd level spell and most 5th level ones: its iconic.
As for the item itself, its pretty much a permanent flying speed of 50 while carrying up to 200lbs, or 30ft. speed while carrying 201-400lbs. Its a deliveryboy's dream... except not.
You see, the broom of flying isn't just a hoverbike, its also a drone. You say the command word, and it flies up to a mile a way. Say it again, it comes back. In other words, the crazy wizard in his tower can just tie some money and a note on the broom and send it to a shop, then call it back once the shopkeeper has tied the groceries to it. Poor delivery boy just lost his job.
But wait, there's more! If the broom can fly on its own, can it plow a field? Can it spin an "animal" traction mill? The answer is: yes. But there's no reason to use magic where a common animal would do, unless its a crazy high magic setting or something.
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Decanter of Endless Water
I think anyone can see how infinite water is broken as fuck[2]. But that's not all. By speaking the command word and pulling the lid, you can cause 30 gallons (136.4 litres) of water to pour out with enough force to push a 200 pound object 15 feet. This action can be repeated every turn (6 seconds), since a decanter of endless water has no limit on how often it can be used.
So a decanter is not just infinite water, but also infinite energy provided you have enough technology to build a mill. Even more energy if you activate the decanter in a high place and use gravity to give those 30 gallons even more potential.
Do keep in mind however that in 5e there must be someone using their action to activate it every turn. In previous editions however one could leave the decanter open and it would pour water constantly.
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Hat of Disguise
This wee cap is not game-breaking for its great usefulness, but rather for its ability to fuck the world up. Any charlatan with a Hat of Disguise can walk into a bank, guild, ship, etc. and pretend to be anyone. Sure it doesn't happen often, but when it happens the crime spree is enormous. And while there are ways to work around disguised criminals, the fact people have to work around it is an issue in and of itself.
Societies based on trust pretty much can't function. Does everyone sign everything? Do people start using IDs? Do organizations start using items or employing animals that can see through illusions? Is there an industry for door frames that detect illusions?
Even without the hat, Disguise Self is still a 1st level spell. Yet somehow the sourcebooks have no mention of how the world might adapt to the idea that you can't trust people to be who they seem to be. And if anyone with access to 1st-level spells can walk up to the king without difficulties, you wont have kings for long.
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Ring of Mind Shielding
A great item, if you're an asshole. Keeps people from sensing your evil alignment, keeps them from reading your evil thoughts, keeps pesky zones of truth from sensing your lies, and it even makes itself invisible so nobody can notice you're wearing the "i am evil" ring. It even keeps your immortal soul from going into eternal damnation!
One thing i always think of soul-trapping items is that they're a good way for evil people to avoid the afterlife. If you're good, you want to go to Celestia, Elysium, Arborea or Ysgard. Yet if you're evil, being stuck in a ring and talking to its wearer might be better than Baator, Carceri or the Abyss.
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Sending Stones
Another classic, unfortunately the stones were nerfed and now can only Send to each other once a day.
Still, long range communication is nothing to scoff at. And while hiring someone to Send for you is cheaper, the stones provide more privacy and can be sent to far off corners of the world where you can't afford to station a caster full time.
Expect each mayor or baron to have one of these, while someone in the capital answers their "calls". Something of a royal secretary if you will. While magic items are expensive, shaving days off of your disaster response time can be the difference between having a kingdom and having ruins.

Rare

Bag of Beans
An often overlooked item, the BoB is crazy powerful. It has 3d4 beans, each of which can trigger a random effect. Notably they have a 10% chance of creating a random potion that lasts 30 days, a 10% chance of creating 1d4+3 eggs that can permanently raise an attribute by 1[3], a 9% chance of spawning a full on pyramid with a mummy lord and appropriate loot[4], and a 1% chance of leading anywhere.
Why bother with tomes when you can get twice as many stats from a bag of beans?
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Helm of Teleportation.
1d3 castings of Teleport every day, plain and simple. That means 9 people can travel about 14 times in a week[5].
That's a lot of potential trading to be had for sure, but why stop there?
Say your kingdom spent tons of time and money training and equipping an elite unit. You wouldn't want them to spend 80% of their time on the road and 20% solving issues right? One rare item can make your 9-men unit five times more efficient.
Adventurers are in much the same boat: small group, lots of capital invested into their gear and training, yet they somehow spend most of their time going back and forth between adventures (until level 9 if they have a bard, sorcerer or wizard in the party, past 9 if they don't). It honestly amazes me that the Helm of Teleportation is not listed more often as a must-have party item.
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Manuals/Tomes
For those unaware: there are 3 manuals and 3 tomes in the game, each increases an attribute by 2 when used and then loses its magic for 100 years.
The #1 item on any adventurer's to-get list, the existence of the tomes raises far more questions than answers. Who makes these? Why are they not mass produced? Can i get a magically accelerated demiplane, throw the books in and recharge them in a fraction of the time? Why do people not abuse the f*** out of them?
And when i mean abuse, i mean make smart use of them. Say a kingdom has, over the course of generations, acquired 5 or so tomes. Then the ruler reads them and becomes super smart/wise/popular. That sounds like the sort of thing that would make the whole realm prosper. Do it on an elven/dwarven kingdom and the ruler can read his tomes multiple times, granting him a godlike mind.
And that's without considering the idea of immortals. Or even high level druids. Any lich or vampire could become insanely powerful, not only from being able to use each tome a dozen times, but also from having eons to look for more or even craft them[6].
One thing i really like about tomes is watching the party decide what to do with them after spending the magic. Do they auction the books? Trade with some elf for favors? Give it to a friendly vampire?

Very rare

Candle of Invocation
For 4 hours clerics and druid of the proper alignment within 30ft can cast 1st level spells without using spell slots. In other words, crazy amounts of healing. Pop one after a battle and in a few minutes your whole army will be ready for more. Or pop it during a battle, and have the Healing Word the crap out of your troops from a safe-ish distance.
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Carpet of flying, Peregrine Mask
Carpets of flying function much like brooms of flying, except they are faster or carry more weight (depending on size). They would be a strict upgrade, except they lack the drone function the broom has.
A peregrine mask provides a flying speed of 60, but has no carrying capacity. That means if you have a Powerful Build or a similar feature it can actually carry more than the carpets.
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Cauldron of Rebirth
If there's one thing Tasha's Cauldron has brought us, its this cauldron.
It has some minor uses for scrying making potions, but here's the deal breaker: you put a corpse in the cauldron, fill it with 10gp worth of salt (200lbs.) and it casts Raise Dead on the creature.
Resurrection normally costs 500gp. worth of diamonds. With the cauldron it costs 10gp worth of salt. Sure there's a one week cooldown, but who cares? I see two scenarios here: either a resurrection every week is more than the local demand, or less than the local demand.
If its more than the demand, that means everyone who dies of unnatural causes and has 10gp to spare gets resurrected.
If its less than the demand, that means you're raising one person every 7 days. Depending on how high the demand is you could be making as much as 500gp a week, or 26k a year. Considering that the DMG says a Very Rare magic item costs 10.000-50.000 gold, the cauldron can pay for itself in under two years. Even if the math is way off for some reason, it is still crazy strong.
Honestly, this should be an artifact. Or at least have some heavy downside. The idea that someone over at Wizards of the Coast read this and said "Ah yes, 10gp resurrection, perfectly fine" simply boggles the mind.
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Crystalline Chronicle
Speaking of items that make things cheap, 1d3 times a day this spellbook allows you to cast a wizard spell without material components of up to 100gp.
That means two spells on average, so let's take a look at a few good options: Continual Flame[7], Magic Circle (exactly 100!), Stoneskin (100!), Teleportation Circle and Astral Projection.
The ones that stand out here are Continual Flame and Teleportation Circle. Both cost 50 and have a huge demand in the world. Where a permanent TP circle would normally consume 18.250gp worth of materials over a year, it will now cost nothing[8].

Legendary

Staff of the Magi
This is, i think, the most powerful item in the game.
Has a bunch of charges, yadda yadda, here's the important part:

1. When someone else casts a spell on you, you can use a reaction to absorb the spell. The staff then gains charges equal to the level of the spell it just ate.
   
2. It can cast Plane Shift for 7 charges.
   

This means on an average day you get 16 charges, or two Plane Shifts, from the natural charge generation. But what if you could have someone cast spells on you without spending spell slots?
There are several monsters who can cast spells at will, too many to list. But there are also a few ways for players to do it. The first that comes to mind is the level 18 Wizard feature Spell Mastery, allowing any 2nd level spell. There's also the level 15 invocation Shroud of Shadow that allows infinite casts of Invisibility. Either case allows a duo to have infinite Plane Shifts a day, which is really powerful.
As usual, trade comes to mind. But with infinite charges you might as well start a tourism agency or a hotel and/or casino that brings in people from all planes. Yet what few people realize is that Plane Shift can be used offensively in order to permanently banish anyone to any plane. Infinite save-or-die effects.
You could also just settle for a fuckton of Shifts instead of infinite, and use a warlock or four-elements monk to convert their short rest resources into charges for the staff.
Now think of the possibilities and plot hooks. Mad king banishing dissidents, Red Queen style. Alternative death sentence. A high level wizard/warlock stranded somewhere because the guy who was attuned to the staff died or got separated from him. Random archdemon bringing an army to the Material Plane a couple demons a minute.

Notable mentions

These are items i left out, but which i will get yelled at in the comments if i "forget" about them.
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Anything that creates energy
The truth is that a lot of magic items can do that. Fire for heating things, wind or water for pushing things, etc. For an energy source to be noteworthy it has to provide a considerable amount of continuous energy, without charges or daily limitations. Otherwise you might as well just use a regular water mill or a bull.
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Alchemy Jug (uncommon)
It creates an amount of a liquid (beer, honey, etc) every day. It does nothing that cannot be done by an amount of workers, and for it to be world-altering we'd have to go into a lengthy math argument of how many labor hours of a bee farmer are needed to make a gallon of honey, and how that compares to the initial investment of hiring a wizard to make the item.
As a general rule, if something can be done mundanely it will be done mundanely. Let the casters focus on stuff where they have an infinite comparative advantage, like flying stuff, teleportation, resurrection, etc.
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Cap of Water Breathing (uncommon)
It allows you to breathe underwater indefinitely. Can be great if you have important stuff to do underwater, and might enable interaction with sentient water folk. But in and of itself, not a world-altering item.
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Horseshoes of Speed (rare)
Essentially +30 speed for hooved creatures, without requiring attunement. Honestly this item does not really fit this list, but i just thought the idea of pegasi flying real fast with these was worth mentioning. Sure a helm of teleportation outclasses it entirely for travel, but that's not useful in combat.
And i really want to play a centaur monk with these some day. Unfortunately the item description specifically says you have to have four equipped to benefit, so don't even think about it you satyrs and tieflings out there.
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Lyre of Building (rare)
At a glance this looks like a regular magic items, with nothing too weird about it. Until you look at its spell selection and notice you can cast them as an action.
Mending normally takes a minute to cast, with the lyre its an action, and you can do it at will even without knowing the spell.
Fabricate takes ten minutes to cast, with the lyre its an action. That means once a day you can turn the ground under an enemy into a spiky cage, his sword into sword parts, etc. Until the lyre came about the only way to instantly cast fabricate was with a Wish, and that is a pretty good combat use of the 9th level spell.

Conclusion

To be quite frank, a lot of these item uses are a little niche and wont work in every setting. Then again, that that is never the goal with these posts. I hope i have provided you with at least a few interesting plot hooks and other crazy ideas, whether to amaze your players or ruin your DM's plans.

Notes

[1] There is a notable exception however. If your kingdom has a group dedicated to fighting monsters, some of which are resistant to nonmagic damage, then those guys should be prioritized. Not only does the +1 weapon double their damage output in this scenario, it also prevents your kingdom from losing special soldiers that are very expensive to train and replace.
[2] Stuff like constant abuse of Decanters of Endless Water are why in my setting there is a doomsayer cult that believes the world will be flooded some day. As they say it, every time someone activates a decanter, magically creates water, creates food and water, opens a portal to the Plane of Water, etc; the amount of water in the world rises just a bit. Given enough time, everything will be flooded by it. Unless someone like, puts a Sphere of Annihilation by the shore or something. But nobody said the cult has to be right.
[3] The bag has 3d4 beans. Each bean has a 10% chance of spawning 1d4+3 eggs. That means 7.5*0.1*5.5 = 4.125 raised stats, on average. Sure I'm assuming you'll pass the DC20 save every time, but with proper preparation its quite doable. Be near a paladin, get bardicly inspired, have someone cast Resistance, find ways to reroll a failed save, etc. Since the eggs last forever, you have all the time in the world to stack the saving throw in your favor. Or just use Portents.
[4] The mummy lord could have anything, even another bag of beans!
[5] Someone will say "but what about the chance of going off target? What if nobody has teleportation circles?" To that person i say: associated object. Get a pebble every time you're in a region, and you wont need a circle. Buy a bit of silk and you can teleport to any place along the silk road. Buy a used horseshoe and you can go all over the country. Now I'm just imagining this badass-looking special-ops soldier, clad in the finest plate, wielding a blazing blade, his cloak cackling thunder... and with a rusty-ass horseshoe tied to his helmet.
[6] And thus is born the legend of Swolomon the Buff. He was once a base vampire, who got stuck in a tomb for 4000 years with nothing but a Manual of Bodily Health and a Manual of Gainly Exercise. Now he's... selling supplements or something.
[7] See On Spells and Society linked at the top for why there's a near infinite demand for Continual Flame.
[8] You can even make two circles at a time, but there's some math about it. You have 3 charges, use 2, so you should always be with one to spare. Until you roll a 1 on the d3, and then its gone. After that whenever you roll a 1 without first rolling a 3 you'll have to pay the 50gp or let the circle go to waste. In other words, you'd be paying roughly 1/6 of the regular cost.

(Main Series) Friendship is Magic #1-4 The Return of Queen Chrysalis (Major Storyline)
Main Characters - Mane 6, CMC, Chrysalis
Summary - Queen Chrysalis has returned, replaced all the citizens of Ponyville with changelings, and kidnapped the CMC. Will the our heroes be able to stop her before it is too late? Or will rising tensions between the friends spell out their doom?
Quick Review - A worthy introduction to the comics with some fun character moments. Any comic drawn by Andy Price is worth checking out for the art alone. Chrysalis literally throws a kitten at a wall and it explodes into blood. 6/10
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FiM #5-8 Nightmare Rarity (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Luna, Spike
Summary - Rarity is overcome by insecurity and the fear that she doesn't provide enough to the group, and allows herself to be corrupted by Nightmare. As her friends rush to save her, Luna must overcome her own guilty past in order to defeat it again in the present.
Quick Review - Nightmare Rarity's design is superb. So are the moon denizens. Katie Cook's writing style can lean into the absurd sometimes, but she knows how to do an emotional moment. We see how Luna earned her flowing mane. Spike saves the day. Trixie gets a few lines. 8/10
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FiM #9-10 Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Big Mac
Summary - Big Mac has to find nails to fix his gazebo during the Summer Wrap-Up festival. But the world has other plans for him.
Quick Review - Big Mac plays a wonderful comedic straight man. Seriously, the comic is hilarious, the art is amazing, and Big Mac is a chad. Dude has to fight off like four different mares fawning over him, including Luna. He just wants to repair his gazebo, for god's sake. 9/10
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FiM #11-12 (Neigh Anything)
Characters - Cadance, Shining Armor, Biff Tannen
Summary - Discover the romantic tale of how Cadance and Shining Armor came to be. Can Shining Armor prove himself worthy to Cadance? Will she choose him over High School Gigachad Buck Withers? Probably.
Quick Review - I enjoy it. Not much to say. Shining Armor belts out some Oingo Boingo for Cadance, and lord knows there is nothing more romantic than singing about how much you love little girls. (6.5/10)
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Annual 2013: Equestria Girls (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer)
Characters - Sunset Shimmer, Celestia
Summary - Sunset Shimmer is a magical prodigy. But Celestia will not further her teachings, because despite her prowess, the young sorcerer has much to learn. Sunset believes otherwise.
Quick Review - To everyone clamoring for a proper Sunset backstory and motivation I am proud to announce that this is not it. It's unbelievably vague and generic. It pains me as a massive Shimmerfriend. Also, all the human designs look like ayy lmaos. More so than the show. Hopefully they pick it up in the next EqG comic... (3/10)
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FiM #13-14 (My Little Pirate)
Characters - Fluttershy, Mane 6, Hoofbeard
Summary - Fluttershy has become too attached to a fish she rescued, and regrets letting it go. So when a dangerous pirate arrives looking for a crew, she take it is an opportunity to reunite with her fish. Also a pirate adventure thing, Hoofbeard seeks a treasure behind a perilous journey.
Quick Review - Utterly forgettable. I really cannot be bothered to reread it for a review. It was okay I think? (5/10)
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FiM #15-16 (The Book Worm)
Characters - Twilight, Mane 6
Summary - A magical bookworm begins devouring his way through Twilight's library. That wouldn't be such an issue (except to Twilight), if the characters from to books didn't begin popping up in the real world. Now Twilight and co must take down the bookworm in it's own domain: The Realm of Books.
Quick Review - I like Pinkie's fantasy world. Another just okay one. Lotta references to other media. Marvel, LoTR, Disney shlock, you get the idea. The void had some solid character moments for Twilight and Rainbow. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #1: Pinkie & Applejack
Characters - Take a guess
Summary - In the issue, Applejack and Pinkie Pie enter a baking contest, and culinary hijinks ensue.
Quick Review - Rough start for FF. Predictable and silly. Art here is really not good. However, it does have Guy Fieri pony. (3/10)
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Friends Forever #2: CMC & Discord (Highly Recommended)
Characters - CMC, Discord
Summary - Discord takes the crusaders to increasingly dangerous dimensions in their search for a cutie mark.
Quick Review - This one is super sweet. Some of the best Discord showing in the series. The CMC being some of the only ponies to understand and show gratitude towards Discord for his effort is so damn heartwarming. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #3: Celestia & Spike (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Celestia, Spike
Summary - Spike wants to get Twilight something nice for her birthday, but the gift he settled on turns out to be slightly hard to come by. He enlists Celestia's help in getting the gift for her student, a gift found deep in the dangerous Crystal Mountains.
Quick Review - By far my favorite portrayal of Celestia. Lot of nice and touching dialogue between her and Spike, and some insight on Celestia's mindset as a ruler and teacher. Shame they went further down the "Celestia is an incompetent and petty klutz" route later on. (8/10)
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FiM #17-20 (Reflections) (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Mane 6, Celestia, Starswirl, Sombra
Summary - Celestia has been secretly visiting another dimension for quite some time. A world where good is evil, and evil is good, and she has fallen madly in love with the benevolent King Sombra. A world where she and Luna are villains threatening to take over both dimensions. And it's all her fault.
Quick Review - This one is super polarizing. For me, it's a collection of great ideas utilized poorly. The mirror dimension is a very interesting concept that I wish would be re explored. And i'm content with all the characters. But the climax, touching as it maybe, kinda dampens this one for me. Still, (7/10)
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Friends Forever #4: Twilight & Shining Armor
Characters - ^^^^^
Summary - Twilight Sparkle is worried her and Shiny have drifted apart since their foalhoods. An opportunity presents itself to rekindle when her and Shining Armor team up to catch a ghost that haunts the Crystal Empire palace.
Quick Review? - Turns out, there are a lot of FF comics, and a lot of them are pretty inconsequential. There are only so many times I can say, "It was cute. I liked it." before that gets redundant. So unless I have something more to say, i'm gonna reduce these to just Rating and Summary. Pretty good tho. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #5: Fluttershy & Zecora
Summary - Fluttershy and Zecora try to figure out why Fluttershy can suddenly hear her animal friends talk. Spoilers: It was Discord. Go figure.
Rating - (4/10)
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Friends Forever #6: Rainbow Dash & Trixie
Summary - Rainbow Dash is called upon by a newly crowned Queen Trixie to perform for a kingdom of Diamond Dogs. Turns out being Queen isn't all its cracked up to be.
Rating - I mean, it's got Trixie. (6/10)
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FiM #21-22 (Manehattan Mysteries) (Recommended)
Characters - CMC, Babs, Trixie, AJ, Rarity
Summary - Doesn't need one. Trixie and Babs are in it. Go read it.
Quick Review - The relationship between Babs and Trixie here and they parallels they draw from each other are pretty great. I always love those kinds of strange character interactions. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #7: Pinkie & Luna
Summary - Princess Luna seeks Pinkie Pie's help in making ponies laugh so she can participate in a Royal Event.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #8: Applejack & Rarity
Summary - Typical Rarijack episode, road trip edition.
Rating - It introduces those stupid bull cowboys. For that (4/10)
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FiM Issue 23 (Pets to the Rescue)
Characters - Angel, Winona, Opalescence, Owliscious, Gummi, Tank
Summary - When there owners are nowhere to be found, the pets team up and must set out to find their owners and assist them in whatever magical conundrum they may have found themselves in.
Quick Review - I think the villain here would have been really interesting in almost any other scenario. Other than that, minimal dialogue, and the art isn't exceptional, so (5/10)
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Friends Forever #9: Granny & The Flimflam Bros
Summary - Granny Smith helps Flim and Flam patch things up after they have a falling-out over a mare.
Rating - This one is pretty wholesome. (7/10)
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FiM Issue 24 (Discord in Time)
Characters - Discord, CMC, Flutters
Summary - Discord take the CMC and Flutterbutter on an a journey through time to show them some animals. Hijinks ensue.
Quick Review - Another really nice Discord issue. He isn't use to having all these friends and watching out for them in his chaos, so he drags them along in his dangerous adventures. He then immediately forgets this lesson. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #10: Fluttershy & Iron Will (Major)
Summary - Fluttershy helps Iron Will with has marital problems.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #11: Rainbow Dash & Spitfire
Summary - Rainbow Dash helps Spitfire overcome her greatest fear: Children.
Rating - Art style is cute, but super jarring. (6/10)
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FiM #25-26 (The Good, the Bad and the Ponies)
Characters - AJ, Mane 6, Bulls
Summary - Doesn't matter.
Quick Review - Don't read this one. Seriously, it's bad. Nothing really makes sense. Applejack has some sort of brain defect. Twilight arbitrarily cannot use her magic on Equestrian citizens. Even when they are dangerous criminals, apparently? (1/10)
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Friends Forever #12: Pinkie & Twilight
Summary - Twilight tries to help Pinkie overcome her harrowing cocaine addiction. When that fails, Twilight starts doing coke herself to make the guilt go away. Pinkie stops doing coke for like five minutes, and Twi considers that a success.
Rating - (4/10)
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Equestria Girls Annual 2014: Holiday Special
Characters - Humane 6, Sunset Shimmer, CMC
Summary - The holidays are nearing, and Sunnybun is feeling pretty down in the dumps. The girls try to cheer her up by inviting over for a few nights of debauchery. This cheers her up a bit. So, the Humane 5 go home on the shortbus and Sunny walks home, finally content with herself. Meanwhile the CMC decide that Sunset is keeping them from spending time with their sisters(?) and start a social media account in her name, called Anon-A-Miss, which they use to spread explicit photos of their sisters from the "sleepovers" and frame Sunset. Everyone in the school begin to tragically suffer from severe mental deficiencies and buy it immediately. Because the chick who just saved all of your sorry asses from soul sucking harlots like a week ago is going to post shit about her friends with her fucking face attached to the account.
Quick Review - I really wish I could shit on this more, but I got quite a bit to get through. (-3/10)
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Friends Forever #13: Rarity & Babs Seed
Summary - In the issue, Rarity must entertain Babs Seed when Sweetie Belle falls ill. Turns out Babs idea of entertainment is different than Rarity's.
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FiM #27-28 (The Root of the Problem) (Major)
Characters - Mane 6, Bramble, King Aspen
Summary - The Everfree spontaneously begins protruding into Ponyville. At the root of this problem, the druid-esque Deers who wish to reclaim the parts of their forest that were lost.
Quick Review - The Deer are really neat, and having them be the night elves of Equestria is a fun concept. But the deer people kind of get the shaft, and most of the story focuses on the avaricious minotuar Well-to-do. (6.5/10)
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Friends Forever #14: Luna & Spike
Summary - In the issue, Princess Luna enlists Spike's help in solving a dragon problem in Fillydelphia.
Rating - Luna and Spike spend three pages together, and the rest of the story is focused on an annoying pink fangirl dragon. (4/10)
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Friends Forever #15: Applejack & Mayor Mare
Summary - In this issue, politics are boring.
Rating - (5/10)
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FiM Issue #29 (Ponymania XXIX)
Characters - Cheerilee, Cherry Blossom
Summary - Cheerilee reunites with her twin sister—one of the most famous wrestlers in Equestria. But when Cherry Blossom gets injured, Cheerilee is forced to take her place in the ring.
Quick Review - As with most Jay Fosgitt's stuff, cute, but a lot of fluff and not much to carry an interesting story. (6/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #1: King Sombra (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Sombra, Radiant Hope
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance discover King Sombra's diary and learn of his rise to power. But before that, how he was a sickly outcast, a troubled young amnesiac whose only friend was the equally strange Radiant Hope, who still had imaginary friends.
Quick Review - Much needed backstory for Sombra, and very well done at that. His connection to Radiant Dawn feels genuine, and his corruption by way of shitty crystal ball is absolutely tragic. My dude just wanted to go the Crystal Faire ): Also Princess Amore fucking dies. (9/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #2: Tirek (Recommended)
Characters - Tirek, Scorpan, Sendak
Summary - Tirek, young and ambitious, sneaks out of his royal families castle to visit the unhinged sorcerer Sendak to learn more about magic. Scorpan is worried about his brothers ambitions.
Quick Review - Doesn't add much character depth to Tirek, but it's suitable. Presents a lot of cool ideas not explored as thoroughly as they could be. Leaves a lot up to interpretation and head canon. (7/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #3: Sirens (Non-Canon)
Characters - The Dazzlings, Starswirl
Summary - The fate of the world is determined by a music battle, and if the Dazzlings win, all is lost. This is not Rainbow Rocks.
Quick Review - Not a single character acts in character, and while the other Fiendship issues are take themselves pretty seriously, this one is drastically different tonally and opts for comedy. Which really sucks, because I wanted actual backstories for the Sirens. Humor falls flat as well. (2/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #4: Nightmare Moon
Characters - Nightmare Moon, Nyx (Not that Nyx)
Summary - A recently banished Nightmare Moon attempts exacts revenge on Princess Celestia through the world of dreams. The Nyx, the keepers of the dreams, will not allow it.
Quick Review - I much prefer Nightmare Moon as a manifestation of Luna's negative emotions over depictions a corrupting parasitic entity. Story is serviceable, a bit sad, nothing noteworthy. (6/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #5: Queen Chrysalis (Major)
Characters - Twilight, Chrysalis
Summary - The Mane Six visit the imprisoned Queen Chrysalis, who recounts her past exploits.
Quick Review - Case of unreliable narrator here. Chrysalis implies that changelings are made of pure dark magic, which is an idea I actually quite like, but having them reform like they did would say otherwise. Story is sorta all over, like a Chrysalis anthology short. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #16: Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon
Summary - Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon compete against the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a scavenger hunt.
Rating - Smokin' hot goth pony makes an appearance. (7/10)
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FiM #30-31 (Ponyville Days)
Characters - Rarity, AJ, Twilight
Summary - Civil War over a land dispute or something, can't really be bothered with this one.
Quick Review - As far as I remember, this is one of the issues that gives everyone in Ponyville a crippling case of "has to wear a helmet while outside". Dumbing down characters to make a story work is obnoxious. (3/10)
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Friends Forever #17: Twilight & Big Mac
Summary - Twilight takes a trip into Big Mac's brain to learn how to focus as well as he does.
Rating - (7/10)
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Friends Forever #18: Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy
Summary - Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy go to their flight camp reunion.
Rating - Pretty adorable. (7/10)
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FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples)
Characters - Mane 6, Spike
Summary - Apples take over Ponyville. Our heroes turn into bats. This is not a crackfic.
Quick Review - Batpony designs are pretty damn cool. Story is whatever. (5/10)
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FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples)
Summary - Rarity gets carried away when she goes into business with Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #20: Luna & Discord (Recommended)
Summary - Princess Luna helps Discord when he has trouble sleeping.
Rating - Neat character dynamic. Good stuff for Luna and Discord. (8/10)
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FiM #34-37 (Siege of the Crystal Empire) (Major) (Non-canon) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Sombra, Mane 6, Chryssi, Umbrums
Summary - A mysterious new villain brings several of the series' past antagonists together to attack the Crystal Empire.
Quick Review - I want to keep my gushing about this one brief. The umbrum design and lore are some of the best things to come out of the comics. This Sombra is infinitely better than the one in the show. I definitely didn't cry at the end because i'm a big boy. (9/10)
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Friends Forever #21: Spike & Zecora
Summary - Spike and Zecora save Ponyville from a disease, and only they are immune.
Rating - (7/10)
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Friends Forever #22: Celestia & Pinkie
Summary - Princess Celestia tasks Pinkie Pie with making the perfect cake for Princess Luna's birthday party.
Rating - Barely any Celestia. (4/10)
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Friends Forever #23: Applejack & Fluttershy
Summary - Applejack and Fluttershy become involved in the search for a legendary creature called the Pigasus. They must keep its existence a secret.
Rating - No Kirin (5/10)
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Friends Forever #24: Rarity & Gilda
Summary - Gilda enlists Rarity's help in designing uniforms for a new sports team in Griffonstone.
Rating - (6/10)
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FiM #38-39 (Don't You Forget About Us)
Characters - CMC, Diamond Tiara, Snips, Snails
Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Snips, and Snails become lost in the mountains during a class field trip. AB and Diamond Tiara are forced to learn how to work together.
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Friends Forever #25: Rainbow Dash & Twilight
Summary - Rainbow Dash seeks Twilight Sparkle's help after her wings mysteriously vanish.
Rating - Weird body horror. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #26: Shining Armor & Prince Blueblood
Summary - Shining Armor is forced to work with Prince Blueblood on a diplomatic mission to Yakyakistan.
Rating - Holy shit they made Blueblood redeemable. (8/10)
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FiM Issue #40 (Twilight meets Spike)
Characters - Twilight, Spike
Summary - You know, it's exactly how it sounds.
Quick Review - Very cute. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #27: Pinkie & Granny Smith (Recommended)
Summary - Pinkie Pie offers to help Granny Smith after she breaks her hip right at the start of cider season.
Rating - Precious. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #41 (Rainbow Dash and the Very Bad Day)
Characters - Zecora, Rainbow
Summary - Rainbow Dash is being a c**t, and enrages literally everybody else in Ponyville. In other words, they captured her character just right in this one.
Quick Review - I like rhyme schemes, but I hate bluefast. (4/10)
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Friends Forever #28 Princess Luna and the Cutie Mark Crusaders
Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders assist Princess Luna during a foal slumber party at Canterlot Castle.
Rating - I like bone pony. (6/10)
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FiM Issue #42 (A Pinkie Pie Story That Pinkie Pie Kinda Sorta Remembers) (Recommended)
Characters - Rarara, Ponker Po
Summary - Pinker Pop, still cooling off from her ten month long cocaine binge, tries to help Rarity make a gift for a friend very special to her.
Quick Review - Very cute, very funny, cried. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #29 Rarity and Maud Pie
Summary - Rarity assists Maud Pie in her rock science interests and helps her discover her inner enthusiasm.
Rating - Nice Maud character development. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #43-45 (Ponies of Dark Water) (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Mane 6, Luna, CMC, Spike
Summary - The Mane 6 bathe in cursed waters and become distorted versions of themselves. Pinkie Pie becomes a domestic terrorist.
Quick Review - I like the part where Pinkie bombs a movie theater potentially killing dozens of ponies. Hilarious. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #30 Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance
Summary - Twilight Sparkle helps her sister-in-law Princess Cadance when she suffers from an unexplained lack of self-esteem.
Rating - I quite like this little arc for Cadance. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #31 Rainbow Dash and Little Strongheart
Summary - Little Strongheart seeks Rainbow Dash's help in finding a legendary creature called the Rainbow Crow.
Rating - Little Strongheart, where ya been for six years dude? Beautiful art. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #32 Fluttershy and Daring Do
Summary - Daring Do enlists Fluttershy's help in uncovering an ancient treasure. She must also face her arachnophobia.
Rating - Better than the actual Flutters/Do episode. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #46-47 (Election)
Characters - Twilight, Mayor Mare, Donald Trump
Summary - Mayor Mare struggles in her bid for reelection, against definitely not Donald Trump guys I swear.
Quick Review - Haha I lied, but like I totally got you though right? Like it was super subtle? I bet you didn't even catch on. (5/10)
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Friends Forever #33 Applejack and Cherry Jubilee
Summary - Applejack learns the secret history of Cherry Jubilee.
Rating - Cherry Jubilee is pretty hot. (6/10)
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FiM Issue #48-50 (Chaos Theory) (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Discord, Starlight, Mane 6
Summary - An astronomical event causes Discord to transform from a creature of chaos to a being of pure order. But not all is at seems with the newly minted Accord.
Quick Review - Starlight gets one arc throughout all of these comics. luckily it's pretty good. She gets some good character growth. Accord is pretty god damn terrifying. Actual sound logic is used to best the villain, which is pretty rare. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #34 Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich
Summary - Pinkie Pie and Cheese are eaten by a possessed party house. Seriously.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #35 Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer's attempt to organize the books in the Castle of the Two Sisters turns into a battle of egos.
Rating - This would have been much better is not illustrated by Fosgitt. It doesn't suit this more weighty type of story. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #36 Rainbow Dash and Soarin (Recommended)
Summary - Rainbow Dash follows Soarin to a remote location to help him with a dangerous mission.
Rating - Great Soarin and Spitfire moments. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #37 Rarity and Trixie
Summary - Dude, it's got two of the best pones. Read it.
Rating - (7/10)
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FiM Issue #51-53 (From the Shadows) (Major)
Characters - Mane 6, Donut Steel
Summary - The edgiest OC to ever exist begins to erase Equestrian history from books and minds, in fear of his heritage catching up to him.
Quick Review - Super interesting villain motivation, terribly generic villain design. (7/10)
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My Little Pony: Deviations
Characters - Prince Blueblood, Mane 6, Nightmare Moon
Summary - Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Prince Blueblood was sent to Ponyville instead of Twiliight? No? Too bad, dude.
Summary - I would have loved to have gotten more deviations. Read about Blueblood being an arrogant prick for half an hour. It's fine. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #38 Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (Recommended)
Summary - Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's minor squabbling escalates just before they plan to participate in the Sisterhooves Social.
Quick Review - Friends Forever Finale. Andy Price outdoes himself yet again. Hilarious and Heartwarming. (8/10)
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FiM Issue #54 (I Didn't Read This One)
Summary - No seriously, didn't read it. Fosgitt, Fluttershy, fluff, the three F's of i'm going to be fucking bored. Maybe it's a masterpiece. I'll never know.
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FiM Issue #55-56 (Wings Over Yakyakistan)
Characters - Rainbow, Rutherford, Ember, Spike, Pinkie
Summary - When the dragons invade Yakyakistan over an ancient treaty, it's up to heroes to defend the Yaks and try and diffuse the situation. Spike doesn't like the idea of fighting his own kind.
Quick Review - Let it be known that I would have been totally cool with the Yaks getting destroyed. Typical let go of the past, look to the future stuff. Rainbow's parents are here, and they are fun, and Spitfire gets a bit of extra love, so (7/10)
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FiM Issue #57 (Apinkalypse Now)
Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6, Discord
Summary - Pinkie Pie accidentally becomes trapped in Discord's realm. If you wanted to see more of Chaos Pinkie, then here you go.
Quick Review - I really like the how the chaos dimension is shown in the comic, in that adapts to the current owner if they themselves can't be turned. You'll notice by this point the writers will do whatever in their power to make sure Starlight can be written out somehow. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #58 (The Vines That Bind)
Characters - Twi, Flutts, Zecora, Cattail, Aqua Vine
Summary - Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Zecora follow the notes of Mage Meadowbrook search for a flower said to cure any ailment. The search soon becomes an obsession for Twilight, determined to get her name in the history books.
Quick Review - Dude, Twilight, you already saved the world at least seven times. That Magenta Bloom shit would just be a footnote. Overall pretty forgettable. (5/10)
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FiM Issue #59 (Pie in the Sky)
Characters - Rainbow, Pinkie
Summary - Jesus Christ Pinkie she doesn't fucking like pie. We had a whole episode about just this. We didn't need a comic to teach the same lesson. That's a;lso your review. (3/10)
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FiM Issue #60 (The Stars on Our Ponies)
Characters - CMC, Gilded Lily
Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders help a filly who doesn't want to follow in her family's footsteps. But she is scared to disappoint them if she does pursue her own interest.
Quick Review - Gilded Lily's design is absolutely adorable. She also looks like she tastes pretty good, like Oranges n' Creme. Solid one-off. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #61-62 (Convocation of the Creatures!) (Major)
Characters - Twilight, Raven
Summary - Twilight Sparkle makes a discovery during the largest assembly of creatures in history that threatens to redraw the map of Equestria.
Quick Review - Glenda canonically has a stutter, making her best changeling. Good bit of overbuilding in this one, without falling into the common trap of making the convocation feel too modern. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #63 (All in Marederation)
Characters - Twilight, Pinkie, Temperance
Summary - Ponyville gets swept by an anti-sugar movement that threatens to put Sugarcube Corner out of business.
Quick Review - MLP's thinly veiled take on the Temperance Movement. Another one where all of Ponyville is turned into exceptional individuals. (4/10)
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FiM Issue #64 (Everything Old) (Recommended)
Characters - Rarity, Fluttershy, Coco Pommel
Summary - Fluttershy and Rarity travel to Manehattan, where Rarity discovers that old, ugly fashions are back in style.
Quick Review - I absolutely adore the message here. Things you made when you were younger that you maybe embarrassed of now don't have to be cast aside and forgotten. Rather, look to them to see how you have improved and how you can still improve. Coco is a QT. (8/10)
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My Little Pony: Legends of Magic Annual 2018 (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - The Pillars, Pony of Shadows
Summary - The Pillars of Old Equestria face a new danger that tests their skills as a team. One that they may find feels a bit like a deja vu.
Quick Review - I really like the relationship between Stygian and Rockhoof here. I wonder if Starswirl was always meant to be a dickhead? Green Pony of Shadows looks badass as fuck. Also, Somnambula is cute as hell. (7/10)
Edit - Consider there are twelve of these. I am not awake enough to add them all. Read' em. They're pretty good lore stuffs.
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FiM Issue #65 (Queen for One Less Day) (Recommended)
Characters - Celestia, Scarlet Petal
Summary - Princess Celestia disguises herself to live among ordinary ponies for a day. But when her magical necklace is stolen by a thief, she may lose the ability to turn back into herself for good.
Quick Review - I love this comic. Shows off the best parts of Celestia's character. I'm running out of synonyms for heartwarming, so just go read this one. (8/10)
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FiM Issue #66 (Applewood Follies)
Characters - Mane 6
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and her friends discover that a film is being made about them. But when the director hands them the reins, they discover it's harder to make a movie than they thought.
Quick Review - I'm really not a fan of more modern tech in Equestria. I don't mind it at all if it's used as a background gag, but here, where it's the plot of the comic, I just find it obtrusive.
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Ponyville Mysteries Issue 1
Characters - CMC, Nurse Redheart
Summary - "Welcome to a new series of mystery and intrigue! The Cutie Mark Crusaders discover their inner detectives and solve crimes nopony else can! Will they be able to discover who is stealing supplies from Ponyville hospital and get their schoolwork done at the same time?"
Quick Review - None of these are particularly engaging, so I won't review the rest. When I figure these mysteries out all by myself like the grown man I am I feel particularly proud, like I just solved a crossword puzzle they have on those Kiddie menus at iHop.
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Ponyville Mysteries Issue 2
Characters - CMC, The Dude
Summary - "There's a major mystery at the... bowling alley? Ponyville's team is set to break a bowling record, but the alley keeps being ransacked by a mystery criminal! Will the Cutie Mark Crusaders be able to set the pins right and solve the caper?"
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Ponyville Mysteries Issue 3
Characters - CMC, Old People
Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders must solve a dangerous mystery at the Ponyville Retirement Village before it's forced to close! Is one of the curmudgeonly residents to blame or could it be a villain from their past?"
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FiM Issue #67-68 (Tempest's Tale) (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Tempest, Cadance, Glitter Drops
Summary - Tempest Shadow travels across Equestria to learn more about friendship and comes face-to-face with her past.
Quick Review - These issues do wonder for Tempest's previously scarce character. If your a fan of Tempest, or especially if your not a fan of Tempest, check these out. Smug Cadance is best Cadance. (8/10)
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Ponyville Mysteries Issue 4
Characters - CMC, Applejack
Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are trying to solve the case of the missing spa water! But what happens when all signs point to a member of a Crusader's own family being the culprit?"
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FiM Issue #69 (Magical Apple)
Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6
Summary - Pinkie gets god powers. Again. Didn't we do this already?
Quick Review - Oh, Pinkie, maybe someday somebody will figure out how to write you well again. (4/10)
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Ponyville Mysteries Issue 5
Characters - CMC, Rarity
Summary - "The Crusaders have their biggest case yet when a priceless artifact belonging to superstar Songbird Serenade is stolen!"
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FiM Issue #70 (Extreme Bingo)
Characters - Golden Horseshoe Gals, Rainbow, AJ
Summary - Grannies Gone Wild 2!
Quick Review - Grannies Gone Wild 2! (5/10)
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FiM Issue #71 (Happy Haunts)
Characters - Student 6
Summary - Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship students experience Nightmare Night in Ponyville for the first time. Things don't exactly go as planned.
Quick Review - I hate this issue. Not because it's bad, but because we are teased with infinitely more interesting stories. I want to see the princesses on Nightmare Night, like the cover! I want to see Shim and Glim's NN, like on the first page! Fucking cocktease. (4/10)
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FiM Issue #72 (Pie in the Sky, Again)
Characters - Pinkie, AJ, Pear Butter
Summary - Applejack discovers an old Apple family pie recipe and seeks to recreate it for Granny Smith. Along the way, they meet ponies who her mom has touched in her life. I wouldn't mind being touched by Pear Butter.
Quick Review - Standard. Wholesome. Sweet. (7/10)
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My Little Pony: Nightmare Knights (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Luna, Stygian, Trixie, Capper, Tempest, Daybreaker, Eris
Summary - Princess Luna assembles a team of former villains to face a new threat to Equestria.
Quick Review - I cannot recommend this arc enough. Every single character gets a chance to shine. Stygian gets much need development. Eris and Daybreaker make a menacing evil duo. The villain casino makes a great setting. Sunset Shimmer gets a cameo. (Even though her and Starlight are once again shafted.) Capper absolutely steals the show. Tempest is a bit more brutish than she usually is, but as we don't know much about her anyway, that's a very minor gripe. (9/10)
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FiM Issue #73 (Copycats)
Characters - Fluttershy, Twilight
Summary - A magical amulet causes Fluttershy to become more animalistic.
Quick Review - I have no idea what the fuck what went on in this issue or why. It's a mess. (3/10)
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FiM Issue #74 (On the Mane Stage) (Recommended)
Characters - Zephyr, Fluttershy, Silverstream, Pixie Cut
Summary - Fluttershy's brother Zephyr Breeze attends the All-Equestria Mane Styling Conference.
Quick Review - Even Zephyr Breeze can snag a qtπ hairstylist gf. There is hope for us yet, bros. Could you tell i'm down a third of a bottle of Grey Goose by this point? (7/10)
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FiM Issue #75-78 (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Cosmos, Twilight, Discord, Fluttershy
Summary - The Mane Six's quest for the fallen stars of a missing constellation puts them on a collision course with their most galactic adversary yet. Discord's clingy ex wife who still hasn't received any child support.
Quick Review - They don't even bother to write Starlight out anymore. She just doesn't exist. Cosmos isn't as fun of a villain as Eris or the Storm King, but she's serviceable. I do like her design. Discord puts his past behind him for good physically and metaphorically. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #79 (The Ponyville Anniversary Spectacular) (Highly Recommended) (Major!)
Characters - Sunset Shimmer, I don't know I don't remember the rest
Summary - Fuck you it has Shim Sham.
Quick Review - Sunnybutt jams out on a guitar at the end. (11/10)
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My Little Pony: Spirit of the Forest
Characters - CMC, Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, Mayor Mare
Summary - Something about a forest mystery?
Quick Review - Lackluster follow up to the amazing Nightmare Knights. Stop giving the CMC mini series you hacks. (4/10)
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FiM Issue #80 (Live-Action Role Pony!)
Characters - Mane 6, Bulk Biceps
Summary - The Mane Six play a live-action role-playing game. The usual Pinkie hijinks ensue.
Quick Review - I'm so use to using LARP as an insult now, it's weird to see it in an endearing manner. Fun little adventure issue. (6/10)
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FiM Issue #81 (Pretty Fly)
Characters - Scootaloo, Rumble, Rainbow, Wind Sock
Summary - Scootaloo and Rumble learn about the only Earth pony to become a member of the Wonderbolts.
Quick Review - Heartwarming. Seriously, someone get me thesaurus. (6.5/10)
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FiM Issue #82 (Dog-Dog-Dogged Determination)
Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Celestia, Cerberus
Summary - Rarity is tasked with giving Cerberus obedience training after he leaves his post at Tartarus again.
Quick Review - Dude, Rares, never change. (6/10)
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FiM Issue #83 (The Strange Case of Silver Blaze)
Characters - Twilight, Spike
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Spike investigate when a famous racing tortoise goes missing.
Quick Review - Less Sherlock Holmes and more Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. This is a good thing. (6/10)
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My Little Pony: Feats of Friendship (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Student Six, Swift Foot
Summary - Come one, come all, to the School of Friendship's very first sporting event-the Feats of Friendship! As Sandbar, Smolder, Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, and Silverstream prepare for the new competition, they realize they're going to need one more pony to round out their team. Enter Swift Foot, a mysterious new exchange student! But will she help strengthen the Young Six's bonds of friendship-or just drive them apart? Jealousy threatens our favorite youngsters in this brand-new miniseries!
Quick Review - This is by far and away my favorite Student 6 depiction in the franchise. It shows off very well how far they have come and how well they work together as friends and individuals. Swift Hoof makes for a great antagonist, trying to plant seeds of resentment but realizing that it doesn't work on the students and realizing her own faults. Dom Athenian Warrior waifu also included. (8.5/10)
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FiM Issue #84 (Identity Crisis)
Characters - Ocellus
Summary - Ocellus struggles to complete a big project for the School of Friendship midterm.
Quick Review - Man, I wish my problem was that I was so booksmart I had trouble fitting it all into my creative outlets. What a fucking struggle that would be. But I understand wanting to be a perfectionist, and that sucks. Amazing insight as usual by me. (5/10)
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FiM Issue #85 (Apple Bobbing)
Characters - AJ, AB, Big Mac
Summary - Applejack teaches Apple Bloom the meaning of courage by telling her the story of how she conquered her fear of the water when she was little.
Quick Review - A whole lot of touching moments between AJ and AB. A very cozy little story if you ignore the giant spider. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #86 (Marble and a Hard Place)
Characters - Maud, Marble Pinkie
Summary - Pinkie Pie and Maud Pie help their sister Marble make friends by helping her throw a party.
Quick Review - I love the Pie family, dude. The chemistry between them is something we don't get to see often enough. (6.5/10)
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FiM Issue #87-88 (The Fast and the Furriest)
Characters - Big Mac, Rainbow, Angel
Summary - Rainbow Dash and Big McIntosh take part in the Draytona Breach 500, which an antiquities dealer uses as cover to smuggle a priceless artifact.
Quick Review - Meh. (6/10)
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I can finally pass out now.

I have received feedback that the action is falling into place to nicely. I wanted to write a red herring to make the pieces point to someone else but I was curious about other people's opinions. If it is too neat what is a good strategy to fix it. Any other general critique would also be helpful.
Chapter One
The air out was hot and filled with the dust as a man with a sword at his hip walked up to a side street. The man was gruff with a small unkempt beard that was barely visible under his well-used bandana made of red cloth that contrasted with his strangely blue eyes. As he walked into the alley the smell of burned flesh filled the air.
“Hey, Quinn we gotta nasty one today.” Said a young man about 20 years old wearing newish bandana as he ran up from the depths of the alley to the swordsman.
“They’re all nasty to you, Aiden.” Aiden shook his head at his boss with a light blush coloring his tanned cheeks.
“Just come with me and see for yourself before passing your judgement,” Aiden said before turning on his heel and walked briskly into the dark ally. Chuckling softly to himself the man named Quinn followed Aiden using his long legs to quickly catch up with the younger man.
The smell grew worse and worse as they walked down the ally. Eventually, they reached the source of the stench. A body that definitely seen better days. The eyes were hanging out of the skull and the gut had been slashed open.
“Are both the middle fingers gone?” Asked Quinn with a hard look in his blue eyes.
“Yeah, boss.” Responded Aiden with a worried look.
“Great, that fucker’s back in the game then,” Quinn said with an exhausted sigh.
With that, the sword-wielder and his apprentice started their work of gathering evidence and looking for clues of the body’s identity. The sun was sitting low in the hazy sky by the time the policemen had completed their search and emerged from the alley.
“Take this back to the station, Aiden. I’m going to do some more investigating.” Said Quinn as he walked down the road in the direction of the setting sun.
While Quinn walked down the street he took note of all the people walking home from work. Some were walking hunched over with bone-deep exhaustion that only happens from a full day of hard labor. While others were covered with thick jackets despite the summer heat that permeated the dusty air.
“Mages,” he thought, “What a sorry lot.” He continued walking towards the setting sun into the port. The man pulled his bandana up to make sure it covered his nose. Bodies he could deal with but the stench of fish always had him close to vomiting. He stopped at a simple brick house with a faded sign that read ‘The Golden Sexton’ in pealing gold paint. He pushed open a faded blue door and walked into the bar. He pulled down his bandana and immediately headed to the bartender, a young woman who was talking to one of the costumers. She looked up at him and quickly excused herself from the drunk fisherman.
“I need to talk to Fi.” Quinn said with a grim expression on his face.
“She’s in her usual place.” The bartender said as she thumbed to a curtain behind the bar.
“Thanks.” With a nod his head he put a silver coin on the counter and walked through the curtain. Once inside, he descended down the hidden staircase and approached a door guarded by a large wolf faced man.
“That stays here.” The guard growled with a sharp glare at the sword on Quinn’s hip.
“Come on, man. I am not a mage. Can’t a guy defend himself.” Quinn reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a card with a name, species, and an empty circle. The bouncer just glared that the man and made no motion to even look at the proffered card.
“Fine, fine you win.” Quinn said with a sigh as he moved to take of the belt that held the sword in place and hand to the wolf hybrid. Who placed it in a little room to his left.
“Now, can I get in?” asked Quinn in frustration. With a nod the guard unlocked the door and moved to side. As Quinn opened the door he revealed an underground casino filled with some of the city’s worst. Quinn spent little looking at the tables as he walked purposefully to a room off to the right of the action. Once inside he saw the person he was looking for: an older woman with pointed ears and a striped cat tail swishing behind her. She was wearing a red and gold dress that complemented her gold cat eyes well. She smiled exposing her fangs when she saw Quinn walking towards her.
“Why if it isn’t my favorite human come to say ‘hello’ to Auntie Fi or are you here on different reasons, Little Quincy?” She purred at the man she called Quincy.
He winced at the name a replied, “It’s just Quinn, Auntie, but sorry to disappoint you but I ain’t here to make small talk. There has been a murder.”
“Dear will always be Little Quincy to me and this a city what’s so special about a murder that you had to come all the way out here to see little old me? I know how much you hate the smell of fish.” At the mention of fish Quinn grimaced.
“Their middle fingers were cut off, Auntie.”
“No it can’t be him, the streets have been quiet!” Fi exclaimed as she jumped up from her perch and paced back and forth as her tail swished side-to-side in agitation.
“First, one of the Shadow Pairs defects to Talvi and now that monster’s back in action.” Fi mumbles to herself.
“Hold up, go back what do you mean on of the Shadow Pairs defected?” Quinn questioned wide eyed from shock.
“It means exactly what I said this isn’t time for you to be slow, Quincy!” Quinn frowned at the tone of Fi’s voice.
“Sorry, Quincy I am just agitated about this new development.”
“It’s fine, Auntie Fi.” Quinn sighed, “So you don’t have any information about my murder?”
“No, but I’m going to send out my runners and damn will find out.”
“Thanks Auntie, I’ll take my leave and figure out things out on my end.” Quinn leaned in to give the hybrid a quick hug as he she whispered a quiet ‘be careful’ in his ear.
Quinn left the casino and grabbed his sword from the wolf guard, who appeared to be wearing a smug smile on his canine face. He left the bar and started to return to the station and check in with Aiden. He was deep in thought about the information he gained from Fi. If a Shadow Pair had really defected that could have grave consequences for the future.
With the thought of the Shadow Pairs, Quinn realized, “Those thrice-damned Council lap-dogs will be sticking their nose exactly where they don’t belong and if they catch wind of this there will be hell to pay.” He muttered to himself. It was getting late and the lightieres, in their thick coats, were already running around starting the lamps on the street by the time Quinn reached the station. It was the second biggest building near the center of town and only dwarfed by the city council building. The station was a formidable structure with its red brick walls and the bars on the windows. Quinn opened the large door to dark hallway with lamps periodically hung along the walls casting strange shadows everywhere. Even from where he was standing he could hear the flurry of activity from the cubical area passed the hallway. At the end of the hall was a large wooden desk with a grumpy looking[RES1] monkey woman glaring at Quinn as he ambled down the hallway.
“So all this uproar is your fault.” She said as her monkey tail swished behind her chair.
“I guess you could say that” he replied sheepishly.
“Your little sidekick has been stirring up trouble talking about how the new case from the alley was the work of the Butcher.”
“Well I’ll have a word with the boy. If is make you happy, Aubrey.”
“You do that,” she harrumphed. “By the way the Captain really wants to talk to you.”
“Thanks Aubrey.” Quinn said with a wave as he walked farther into the building until he reached a fancy wooden door with the word ‘Captain’ embossed on the door. A gruff voice sounded a loud “Enter” as soon as Quinn knocked on the heavy door.
“Davenport, the person who caused this wonderful mess.” The Captain said in a deep baritone that was ragged from the many year of cigars. He was a large man with salt-and-pepper hair who as he talked reached into his desk to pull out a cigar. In an instant the cigar was lit with our so much as a shiver from the powerful man.
“Sir, I’ll talk to Aiden, but I think we need to consider that he’s back.”
“I know that, but have you considered that it was a non-mage copy-cat or multiple copy-cats.”
“Well sir, that co…” The Captain interrupted him midsentence[RES2] , “Do you really want the Council’s goons sniffing around the place. If they catch wind of a magic death in the city.”
“I handle it, sir.” Quinn sighed in defeat.
“You do that, Davenport.” With that Quinn hurried out of the office to find his young apprentice. Quinn grumbled as he walked through the mostly empty to a group of desks with a young man appeared to be passed out on a stack of books. Quinn gave him a firm shake on the shoulder; which caused the young man to open one sleep filled, emerald eye. After a moment Aiden’s eyes widen with recognition and stumbled to stand up. Without his bandana, the boy appeared younger with long lanky limbs[RES3] and ears that were too large for his head. His short ginger hair was ruffled from sleeping on a book.
“Calm down, boy.” Quinn said with a smile. “I see you have caused quite the ruckus while I was away.”
“Boss?” Aiden questioned.
“You’ve been in the city a year and you’ve never questioned why there isn’t more magic murder. Do they not teach you about the Calamity on the farm?” Before Aiden could open his mouth Quinn continued almost to himself.
“It is probably because you country boys don’t have the Council breathing down your necks when a smartass decides to use malicious magic.” Again Aiden tried to speak but again was interrupted by his master.
“Thinks about it boy, how many magic murders have happened in the year you’ve work here. Zero, right? There’s a reason for that, the all-powerful Council does not want their perfect country of mages to fall apart like during the Calamity. Listen, I guess the point I’m trying to make is to keep your mouth shut about the Butcher of Ferrum and call that that. Okay boy?”
“So are we dropping the case, Boss?” questioned a stunned Aiden.
“Now, I said nothing of the sort. What evidence do you have for me?” Aiden smiled and looked down at the book that he had fallen asleep on and the sheet of paper next to it that contained almost illegible notes.
“Okay, the victim did have his ID card on him and the mutilation to the face made identifying him mostly impossible that paired with the missing middle finger is a clear sign of the Butcher’s work. Now, while you were gallivanting around I paid a visit to the Archives and pulled all the information on the Butcher’s cases and cases similar to the Butcher. What I found wasn’t much but most people tend to agree that he is a psychokinetic from the burns on the facial area near the eyes and smell of the body. The morgue boys also concluded that the cause of death was blood asphyxiation.” Aiden said as he looked down at his notes.
“So he has power and is competent as a mage” pondered Quinn.
“Seems like it, Boss.”
“Good work, Aiden. Go home and get some actual sleep. I’m going to need your research skills at first light tomorrow.” Quinn said clapping the younger man on the back.
“Okay, boss see you tomorrow.”
“Remember what I told you about running you mouth.” Quinn yelled at the retreat back of his young apprentice. A loud “Night, Boss!” was the quick reply.
“What am I going to do with him?” sighed Quinn as the day’s work finally caught up with him. He cleared the remaining books and papers on Aiden’s desk being careful not to lose his page or any of the papers. Looking around the room, Quinn notice most of the candles had burnt out and decided it was time to leave and rest his bones.
Quinn’s home was in a simple apartment complex a few blocks away from the station. It was plain building made of stone and only about five stories high with a few dim lights shining through the dirty windows. Quinn strolled into the building to the staircase that looks it is about to fall apart then and there. The trip up the stairs wasn’t as perilous as it seems if you knew what you were doing. One of Quinn’s favorite pass time was to watch new tenants try and navigate the staircase.
Lost in thought as he moved to his third floor apartment he almost missed a bright red envelope stuck in the crack between the door and the door frame near the door handle. The feeling of dread took root in his stomach when he finally noticed. “How did them find out so fast.” Quinn thought to himself, “it is impossible.” He grabbed the envelope which was heavy with Davenport written in gold letter on the front. The pit in his stomach only grew as Quinn’s strangely blue ey[RES4] es scanned the letter inside the envelope.
Dear Mister Quinn Davenport of the Ferrum Police,
You are hereby ordered under Order 17, Article 2 of the Calamity Act to meet the Companions in three days at sunrise in the rock fields in the north of Ferrum to discuss the change of command on the recent Alley case. Please bring your apprentice and all relevant evidence.
Sincerely,
Mages Council – Discipline Sector
“Well fuck.” Quinn said quietly to himself as he wondered how the hell he was going to solve this murder in three days. If he did not, then the Council would take control and Quinn did not want to think of “Their policing methods” … or lack thereof.
“I’m not any use to anyone dead.” Quinn thought to himself as he entered his minimalist apartment shedding his bandana and shoes as he walked to his bedroom where he carefully put away his sword. He finally fell on to his small, comfy bed and passed out.
Chapter Two[RES5] [RES6]
Quinn woke to a ray of sun shining directly into his eyes from the crack in the curtains. With a yawn, he strapped the sword to his hip and tied the bandana around his face—the stone market's dust would be just as bad this morning. The sun just peeked over the horizon as Quinn walked the streets to the station. They were alive with citizens opening stores or walking to work. On his long legs, Quinn weaved through the crowd quickly.
His young apprentice shifted nervously as Quinn arrived. “What's got your trousers in a bind, boy?” Quinn tried to keep his own nervousness of the fast approaching deadline out of his voice, but failed badly.
“Quinn, well, I think I found a clue that can help us identify our victim.” Quinn cocked his head in interest as Aiden spoke
“Well, good. But why do you look like someone is going to set your hair on fire?”
“Uh, I think you should come in, boss. Better to show you than tell you.” Aiden turned around and almost sprinted to the archives with Quinn just on his heels.
Aiden finally slowed to a stop when they reached a cubicle piled high with files and books, one that he had apparently been using since the early morning. Looking to make sure the archivist, the one other person in the room, wasn’t paying attention to them, Aiden started rummaging through the mess of papers on the desk.
“So, I was reading the records about the other Butcher victim and noticed a pattern.” Aiden stopped rummaging and pulled out five folders, opening them side-by-side. “Look here.” Aiden pointed at the magic classification box in each of the victims’ files.
“They are all non-mages.” Quinn blinked. “How come this link wasn’t discovered before? If the Butcher was targeting non-mages the community would have been terrified.”
“It looks like they were all well off and didn't broadcast their status.” Aiden shifted from side to side.
“Well, that makes this easier. If we never knew about this, the public certainly never figured it out. So we can assume that if our John Doe is a wealthy non-magic, then our killer is the Butcher and not a copycat.” Quinn grinned at Aiden. “You go to the council and check the records while I go and question the witnesses.”
As Aiden got up, Quinn pointed at the badge still on the desk. “Don’t forget your badge so the council doesn’t give you too many problems.” Aiden flushed and quickly stuffed the badge in his pocket before rushing out of the room. Quinn laughed to himself as he stood, stretching out before heading back to the scene of the crime.
Next to the alley was a blacksmith shop with a horseshoe sign out front. The heat of the day was nothing compared to the heat inside the small shop. As Quinn lowered his bandana, a large bald man with scars covering both of his trunk-like forearms came out from the back of the store.
“’Ello welcome to the Horseshoe. What can I do fer you?”
With a quick flash of his badge Quinn said, “I am here on a police matter do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
The large man quickly dropped his friendly demeanor, “You here about the alley then? What type of person ‘ould do that to a man?”
“Did you hear anything suspicious while you were working yesterday?” pushed Quinn
“I didn’t I was finishing up a job for the Captain and couldn’t hear a damn thing but me apprentice heard a commotion up while he was cleaning the front of the shop. He went out to investigate and when he can back he was so shock up and would not speak to me that I sent he home for the rest of the week.”
“So where can I find this apprentice of your?” Quinn asked pulling out a notepad and pen to take down the address.
“Wait now you don’t think my boy had anything to do with this?” The blacksmith questioned agitatedly.
“I think your apprentice was witness to a murder and could be in grave danger. Now please tell me where I can find him.” Quinn said calmly pen still prepared to take down the address.
“He lives about two blocks down above Becky’s Flower Shop.”, replied the obviously shaken man.
With tip of hat Quinn turned to leave but before he could open the door the blacksmith called out, “Detective, please protect him. He’s the best apprentice I will probably ever have.”
“I will, I promise”, Quinn mumbled too quiet for the blacksmith too scared to make a promise he couldn’t keep. With that Quinn through open the door and marched out to find the apprentice before the Butcher did.
The flower shop that was below the apprentice’s house was a quaint shop with a scrawny boy out front sweeping the front stoop trying to stop the ever present dust from over taking the small shop. Quinn stepped into the store and headed to creaky looking staircase and flashing his badge at the confused store clerk. Taking the steps two at a time Quinn gave a hard knock on the plain door. He could hear a quiet shuffling on the inside of the apartment.
“Go away”, a tired sounding voice yelled through the door.
“I’m with the police. I would like to talk to the blacksmiths apprentice.” replied Quinn.
“You have a badge?”, the voice questioned.
“Of course” Quinn said fishing his poor overused badge out of his pocket.
“I’m going to open the door a little show me the badge through the crack.”
Without waiting for Quinn’s reply the door opened just a crack which Quinn roughly shoved his badge up against.
“Alright, come in.”, The door opened to reveal a tired looking woman wearing a dust covered apron with her salt and pepper hair escaping her tight bun.
“Well, you going to stand there and gawk or you going to come in?”, She stated with hands on her hips glaring at him expectantly.
“Yes ma’am can I ask your name?” Quinn stated as he walked into the small apartment.
“I am Becky.”, Becky stated bluntly. “He is in his room. I will go get him.”, She abruptly and walked out of the living room leaving Quinn to his own devices. The apartment itself was nothing special: clean as one could expect with the plague of dust that cursed Ferrum. There were also flowers on every surface that flowers could be placed on. After a short while the woman came back with a stocky young man in toe. The boy was pale and looked shaken which did not look right for his build.
“This is Fredric and if it is alright by you Mr. Policeman we should have this talk in the kitchen where we can sit down and I can get you some water.”
The group made their way in to the kitchen to the left of the living room and Becky made herself busy making all three of them refreshment. The boy mutely sat down at the table in the kitchen, that of course was also covered in flowers. The detective sat across from the boy picking up a vase full of white and purple flowers that Quinn has never seen before and setting them out of the way so he could properly question the boy.
“Hello Fredric, I am Detective Quinn Davenport but you can call me Quinn. Can you tell me what you saw yesterday that shook you up so bad?”, Quinn begin, notebook ready, in a soothing voice as not to scare the boy any more. Fredric turned a shade paler than Quinn thought possible for a boy of his complexion. The boy opened his mouth a few times and looked like he was going to speak but nothing came out. “It is okay why don’t you tell me about your day before the event and we can work up to what you saw.” Quinn tried calmly.
“Um, well I guess I could try and do that.” The boy, Fredric, said his voice was soft and raspy with disuse. “I think that day was cursed or something or I was getting the first day jitters again or something because everything seemed to be going wrong.”, Quinn quickly interrupted to ask what Fredric meant by first day jitters. “I mean no offense but you look a little old to be a brand new apprentice.”, Quinn clarified. This drew a shaky laugh from the boy and made Quinn smile internally.
“I am not a new apprentice but I got the Cold for a better part of the month and I was finally well enough to leave the house yesterday.” Quinn winced at the boy’s confession, The Cold was a terrible illness that crippled pyrokinetics by lowering their core temperature to dangerous temperatures. If the poor bastards were not kept warm enough until the disease ran its course they would slowly freeze to death.
“Anyways, everything seemed to be going wrong the Captain gave an express order of 2 dozen handcuffs for master to fill by today. Normally I would help him with large orders but I was still a little too weak to hold more than a broom so I was stuck tending the front desk and sweeping the shop. Sweeping has always been my least favorite task because my eyes always water. It was just after noon when I thought I heard people fighting in the alley. That alley is a common place for people to quickly fight it because it so hard to see into even during the day and normally I can stop any bad fighting with a glare. So I walked out to put a stop it any roughhousing but they weren’t your typical street thugs. There was a moose hybrid with one alter messing cutting the shit out a guy in a suit.” As Fredric finished his story Quinn tried to not show the surprise on his face. He knew all too well who the moose hybrid was, the local drug kingpin James “the Bull” Prince. The Bull was an infamous psychokinetic that pushed all types of drugs through the city. Rumor was that he lost his antler to a battle with a Shadow Pair from the Academy.
“Thank you Fredric his you think of anything else please let me know.”, with that Quinn pulled out a card and handed it to the boy and unceremoniously stood up and walked to the door with a brief nod of goodbye to Becky.
It was close to sunset when Quinn walked out of the flower shop. During the walk back to the office Quinn stop at a shoeshine stand and payed the boy twice the going rate. The boy took the money and looked at Quinn expectantly and Quinn said, “Tell Aunty that her little prince said Hello.” The boy nodded and got to work shining his shoes. After the boy was done, Quinn finally made it back to the office. The office was mostly empty for all of the normal officers were out on patrol around the city. Before returning to his and Aiden’s desk Quinn made a quick pit stop at the narcotics section of the station. The detective on duty was a small woman with dark dreadlocks that ringed her face. She snuffed out the ball of fire she had been playing with before he reached her.
“Hey Polka[RES7] , I see that you are not busy so mind helping me with a job?” Quinn asked with a playful smile on his face.
“Davenport, whatever do you mean? As you can see I am swamped with work and can’t possibly get away to help with whatever mess you made.” The other detective replied sarcasm dripping from hear words and a cheeky smile on her face.
“Come off it I am offering a chance at freedom here.”, Quinn wedeled.
“Fine, fine you twisted my arm enough. What do you need help with?”, She questioned curiously.
“I need information about favorite hybrid drug kingpin because I think he has turned to direct murder instead of indirect killings” Polka’s face suddenly turned serious as Quinn told her that he thought Prince a suspect in his case. “Let’s go to a quieter place before I tell you the specifics Quinn looked around suspiciously. Seeing his nervousness Polka quickly agreed and wheeled herself from her desk and gestured for him to follow her. They went to an abandoned conference room and Quinn shut and locked the door after they both had entered. Quickly Quinn explained all he knew about Prince’s involvement with the Butcher’s case. After a moment of quiet contemplation Polka finally spoke, “Well this is great news. If you get more hard evidence he can finally get his due. I will do some research and get back to you tomorrow.” From outside a flurry of activity could be heard.
“The Captain must be about we should make ourselves busy. I have to talk to my apprentice which will hopefully put the pieces together and the Shadow Pair will not have a chance to fuck this city up.” With a wink at his good friend Quinn quickly retreated to find his apprentice.
Quinn successfully avoided the Captains notice by slinking to the shadows as he returned to his office. But Polka did not seem to be as lucky. From behind the Captains booming voice could be heard verbally assaulting the unfortunate narcotics detective. Quinn winced in pain in sympathy for Polka as the Captain dragged her into his office and the door slammed shut. As Quinn reached his office he noticed his poor junior asleep once again in the chair adjacent from the door. Quinn smiled evilly and pointed the boy hard in the cheek. Jumping in surprise the boy franticly looked around for his attacker. “Oh sir it is just you. You gave me a heart attack.” Sighed Aiden when he noticed that his superior was the who had poked him.
“You got to get a full night’s sleep tonight boy or you are going to catch the Cold if you are not careful.” Warned Quinn. “If you got time to sleep then you must have found something good at the council”
Aiden nodded quickly, “I found the name of our John Doe and you would never guess his status.” Before Quinn could respond Aiden jumped in and replied “The John Doe is Roy Morton the treasurer of the artisan guild and he is non-mage. Since you were still busy with the witness when I came back I already created a timeline of the victim’s whereabouts before the attack. I also asked Darren and Shera to inform and question the family of the victim.” Aiden gestured to the notes on his lap and the crude timeline on the far wall that Quinn didn’t notice when he walked in the office.
“That was a lot of work, Good job.” Quinn said impressed with his young officer. “Now give me the highlights before we call it a night.”
“Basically, Roy did not have any family and was a popular book binder that was voted treasurer of the guild two years ago. No one we talked to had anything bad to say about him. Apparently he was very good at both his job as treasurer and as a book binder. His land lord said he always paid his rent on time. The only weird thing was he was always gone an hour before sun set on once a month on the sixth day of the week. No one we talked to could figure out where he went during this time. This is why no one reported him missing.” After finishing his reported Aiden looked at Quinn expectantly. “Hmmm, the next step for tomorrow is to find out what Mr. Morton was doing during that time and what his connection with Prince is.”, Quinn thought out loud. “Prince, sir?” Aiden questioned. Realizing he had not informed his young apprentice of his adventures Quinn repeated what he told Polka. Stunted Aiden looked longingly at his timeline as if he wanted to fit in the Prince puzzle piece. “Oh no boy it is time to go home. Polka will do some investigating and will fill us in tomorrow.” Quinn dragged Aiden out of the station and cheerfully waved at Aubrey as he forced Aiden out in the street. After Quinn was confident that Aiden was actually going home Quinn started his own journey home. But he was stopped by a runner girl with dirty blonde hair. She handed him a piece of folded paper and waited as he tipped her with 5 copper pieces before running off. All the paper said was midnight at the Rusted Bull come alone unarmed. Quinn groaned to himself as the prospect of a full night sleep went out the window and he walked toward the docks yet again.

I started seeing his videos on Facebook. They’d just pop up on my timeline. He looked odd. Long, white hair that was straight and extended down past his stomach. His eyebrows were shaved off, or maybe they were never there to begin with, it was impossible to tell.
He wore strange make-up to accent his inhuman features and project an alternative style.
His voice was both confident and articulate, but it was the things he said that drew me in. He spoke about the wonders of the universe, how it all worked and how every little thing we saw was nothing more than a complex system of mathematics put together to form what we perceived as reality.
Intrigued and desperate for something to believe in greater than myself, I couldn’t help but watch hours upon hours of the man. He was known only as Morgue, and he preached a religion in which he seemed to be the founder of or, at the very least, a strong influencer of the belief.
I’ll admit, looking back on Hyperianism, I should’ve seen it. I should’ve known that following something like this would only result in pain, but I was naive and, as I said before, desperate. My faith had been a bit wobbly before I found Morgue. My heart was empty and hopeless.
Then, as if by divine intervention, he was there.
His video, which was nothing more than a square jawed, androgynous man staring into a camera and speaking, drew me in. I think it was the eloquent intensity he spoke with. The way he explained how the world and all the scenarios that play out around us are just complex systems of math equations ebbing and flowing through space and time, something he’d dubbed Hyperianism.
It was genuinely titillating.
And even better - at the end of one of his more recent videos, aptly titled “The reason your life is empty,” he spoke of a meet and greet happening exactly one week from the time I’d watched it. An opportunity to speak with Morgue himself, along with his two closest colleagues, regarding Hyperianism and how to become a member of the “church.”
Sure, at first I had the thought that they would try to sell me something. I figured it was just a way for them to collect money. But then, as if he was answering my questions as they popped into my mind, he said:
“No, we will not try to sell you anything. And no, we are not looking for donations. We are looking for dedicated members of society who want to fulfill their destiny and become Hyperianists. Individuals who want nothing more than to know the truth. To EVOLVE beyond your wildest dreams.”
My mind was made up. I had my plane tickets bought only minutes after the video ended and excitement began to bubble inside of me. I was going to get to meet this man. To become a part of something greater than myself. To find something to believe in, finally!
Getting the time off work proved to be difficult. My boss refused to grant me a leave of absence, and because I didn’t have the vacation time accumulated he wouldn’t approve it that way either. So, I quit.
From what Morgue said in his video:
“You won’t need to be confined to human monotony. You won’t need a job after you’ve accepted Hyperianism. You will see the world for its true self. You will find yourself on a different plane, above all the rest.”
Over the course of the following week I took my money out of savings. I felt that, although after my religious awakening was complete I wouldn’t need these things, I would need to survive in the meantime. Food, water and shelter were still necessary.
Finally, the day arrived. The day I was to travel to Las Vegas in search of a man named Morgue who could show me divinity in its purest form. Looking back, even as I type that, I know it wasn’t my smartest move. Desperation can lead people to do things that don’t always make sense.
I boarded the airplane with only a single bag. I figured I wouldn’t need anything more. I would be awakened and, as Morgue said:
“Human constructs need not be collected post-divination. Your mind will be open to the complex system of mathematical sines and cosines around you. Material possessions will be deemed pointless, in your mind’s eye.”
The flight landed. The sky was dark seeing as my flight arrived shortly after 9pm, but the bright lights from the nearby, infamous Vegas Strip illuminated the atmosphere in surreal intensity.
Seeing the line-up of hotels and casinos, the characters travelling up and down the main drag with odd clothes and exotic animals and the people bustling about this late at night, drunkenly stumbling around the wide sidewalk caused me to smile ear to ear with exhilarated giddiness.
I approached my hotel, nerves causing my legs to wobble beneath me. I could feel my hands vibrating with a tremor, something I hadn’t been victim to before.
This was going to change my life. I could feel it.
The meeting wasn’t going to start until midnight because, as Morgue said in his video:
“Time is merely a construct meant to keep the human population at bay and without freedom. We will not be confined by imaginary constraints. We will remain nocturnal and break the chains of society’s overwatch on us. We will do as we please with whom we please. We will not be bound.”
I checked into my hotel room, having to place a large sum of money down as a deposit since I was paying in cash. The room was nice. Not quite as nice as I expected for how much I paid, but I didn’t think much of it. My mind just replayed Morgue’s words and I felt at ease.
I relaxed in my hotel room for a few hours, taking a few of the overly priced shots from the mini bar. By about 11pm, I’d started to feel a bit of a buzz and an overt amount of boredom. I figured I’d kill the hour downstairs in the casino playing some nickel and dime slots.
As you probably guessed, I didn’t win much. I just blew through about two-hundred dollars worth of change, and downed another two or three drinks in the short span of an hour, without so much as a second thought.
Then, the time came. I received a text from an unknown number giving me simple instructions:
“Go to room 1274.”
Easy enough.
When I got up to the twelfth floor, I saw a baker’s dozen people heading in the same direction as me. They moved slow, zombie-like and had vacant expressions on their faces clouded by a deep seated anxiety deep inside their eyes.
Their lack of physical emotion sent chills down my spine. A feeling that was hard to shake off as I joined the herd and headed toward room 1274. My mind was fuzzy on account of the drinks, but that didn’t stop me from wandering through the depths of my mind and playing scenario after horrifying scenario.
The image of robed figures splaying me out on a pedestal, spilling my innards over some sort of satanic symbols followed thoughts that perhaps I was walking into some sort of trap.
I tried to force the negativity to leave my mind by using some techniques I’d picked up in a few of Morgue’s videos, but they didn’t seem to be working. That should have been the first sign that something about this wasn’t quite what it was hyped up to be.
I went forward, swallowing my fear and fighting my legs to continue moving down the hall and into the door to room 1274.
When I arrived, following the half dozen or so people who hadn’t changed their minds halfway down the hall, I couldn’t help but notice the room was impossibly dark. Uninviting scents of sweat and incense wafted into my nose as I sat down on a small folding chair.
Everyone around me was silent, waiting patiently for any sign that we were in the right place. After an excruciatingly long five minutes of anxious waiting, something started to happen.
A sound of deep bass bellowed throughout the room. Black lights lined the ceiling, illuminating a geometric symbol painted on the wall and causing it to glow bright blue.
A man, deathly skinny with long hair that also seemed to glow under the neon purple lighting, stepped up in front of the chairs and began speaking.
“Good evening.” He said in a familiar, articulate tone. “Tonight you have chosen to be awakened. You have seen that there is something more and you wish to be pushed into a state of divination.”
A stage light shined from behind me, causing his pale skin to glow bright white. The familiar man who’s videos I’d obsessively watched over the past few days looked a bit different. He was older. Much older.
“I am here to guide you into a state of consciousness that you have only dreamt about. I am here to give you the push required to open your mind.”
He made a gentle pushing gesture with his hands. It was theatrical, just like his videos. He smiled a terrible, crooked tooth, squinty-eyed smile. It shouted malice, but my mind argued with my instincts. It told me that I was being irrational; that my fear of the unknown was forcing me to see things that weren’t true.
Two people who made themselves known as Morgue’s colleagues began to make their way around to each of the six people that sat scattered throughout the room.
One was a lady, tall and thin like Morgue. She was covered from head to toe in tattoos of oddly configured shapes, all symmetrical from what I could see. She had a thick gauged septum ring that connected at each end of the horseshoe style jewelry to thin chains that strung up to her eyebrows and attached to circular rings there. It gave the faint appearance of a veil draped over her face.
The other was a large man. Round, as if he didn’t get the memo that food was no longer a necessity. He sported a tall, stiff mohawk. He opened his mouth as he approached me, revealing tarnished silver teeth. His eyes were inhuman, cat-like marbles set deep inside his perspiring head.
“Freedom awaits,” he said, handing me a small paper stick.
I wasn’t sure what to make of the small object, but it looked and felt similar to a pixie stick. Long and cylindrical with a sand like material that moved around as I kneaded it.
Morgue continued in the fashion of a true showman:
“We are here to help all who will welcome us. We want each and every one of you to take control of your destiny. To unlock your true potential and transcend this monotonous reality into a true state of nirvana and open-ended bliss. You will be in control of everything around you, changing that which does not please you, and highlighting that which does.”
He presented a cylinder identical to the one we all now held in our hands. The two punk-rock sidekicks joined him on stage, standing just outside of the spotlight.
The trio reminded me more of a circus sideshow, or some sort of freak show, rather than a group of religious leaders. That familiar anxiety began to grow inside me once again, fizzling deep within my stomach and tying my gut into a thick knot.
“Now,” Morgue said, raising his cylinder. “Raise your prophetic dust and ingest it with me. Become one with Hyperianism and leave behind this pathetic and putrid existence.”
He turned the cylinder up, into his mouth, tilting his head back. His Adam’s Apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, inhumanly large like some sort of clementine stuck halfway down his esophagus.
His words sent my mind on a rampage of negative thoughts and terrifying realities. Was I right? Was this some sort of Jim Jones or Dave Koresh scenario that I’d gotten myself caught up in? How would I escape?
My breathing became rapid and erratic. A thick layer of sweat began to form all across my body and the room started to close in around me. My heart pounded deep inside my chest as I reached up and tugged at my collar, vainly attempting to cool my body.
I looked around and saw only two others doing as he commanded. The rest seemed to make the same connection as I did and simply looked around. Then, all four of our eyes fell on the two followers, as well as Morgue himself.
They’d ingested this substance that was likely poison. Any second now, they should begin to show signs. Foaming at the mouth, writhing on the floor, something…
But there was nothing. No sign that they had just willingly killed themselves.
Morgue also looked fine. If anything, he actually looked ten years younger, as if he’d stepped into the fountain of youth before our eyes. I wasn’t sure what the rest of the crowd was thinking, but this was only partially comforting. It was clear, at least in my mind, that Morgue had simply taken a placebo. The real poison was held by those of us seated in front of him.
But still, the two who were brave enough to try it didn’t fall out or start convulsing uncontrollably, which sparked my curiosity. If it wasn’t poison, then what was it? Still, I wasn’t curious enough to find out for myself, regardless of how compelling Morgue’s videos had been. Sure, he’d made a decent argument for his cause online, but undeniable proof would’ve been more convincing.
Unfortunately for the other devotees, they saw things differently. They looked to one another before upturning the small cylinders, dumping the contents into their mouths. Each of them shuddered in disgust as the fine powder hit their tongues and began to work its way down their throats.
A man two seats to my right looked at me. The pained expression of utter disgust quickly washing away from his face, replaced by a euphoric absence as his eyes glazed over. Now, he looked more like a slave to the substance than a man free of human constraint.
My eyes quickly darted to the front of the room. Morgue and his two sidekicks appeared to be eyeing me. Waiting for me to make the same choice as the others around me. He looked at the woman to his left, then turned his head dramatically to the heavy-set man to his right. I noticed his skin appeared to glow brighter under the spot light, nearly blinding me.
“There’s always one…” he said, trailing off with a sinister laugh.
The woman suddenly appeared to my right. It was impossible and caused me to jump with a start. She had literally just been ten feet in front of me and, in the blink of an eye, appeared by my side. The rotund man was on my left, also as if by some sort of magical teleportation.
They extended arms out toward me, sending me into a panicked hysteria. My mind suddenly switched focus. It was now fight or flight, and flight didn’t seem like much of an option seeing as how I was surrounded.
Adrenaline surged through my veins, sending gooseflesh rising across my body. My limbs shook uncontrollably. I managed, after a moment of pure terror, to clench a fist and hurl it at the woman. It was against my natural instincts, having been raised to never hit a woman, but she was a threat and I was left with no other choice.
My knuckles connected with her nose and I heard a loud crunch as my hand struck her face. I pulled back, but something held my hand in place against her face, resisting as I attempted to pull away. Without thinking, I jerked my hand back.
She grabbed her face and let out a yawp, collapsing to the floor and writhing in agony. I looked down at my throbbing hand and noticed thin chains encircling my fist, embedded into the skin in some areas. Small bits of flesh hung on the ends attached to circular rings.
I knew this was my only chance. I had to run. I had to go and never look back.
I jumped up, over the small folding chairs and bolted towards the door. Morgue stood there, blocking the only exit. He was motionless, his arms crossed over his shirtless torso and his large, penetrating eyes staring at me with contempt.
The foreboding sense of pure dread lingered in the air, thick enough to cut. I stared at Morgue as I came to a halt about six feet away from him. I was unsure if I should try to rush him or if I should look for another escape route.
My time was running short and I knew it. I knew if I didn’t try to make my escape now, I wouldn’t have another opportunity. I decided to rush him, remembering my brief stint in elementary school football. I sprinted toward him, ready to make the tackle. I came in low and wrapped my arms around his waist but he didn’t budge. I was stopped in my tracks as if he was made of stone, slamming my shoulder into rock hard flesh.
I stumbled back, gripping my aching shoulder. Why didn’t he move? Was this really how I was meant to die? I refused to accept it. I couldn’t allow myself to fall victim to this… thing.
“You cannot escape us.” He said, slowly stepping toward me.
I felt a hand grip my shoulder and whipped my head around to see the familiar large man covered in tattoos. The henchman who’d handed me the prospective poison. Rage billowed deep within his eyes, his mouth was turned up in a horrid scowl. The neon lighting of the room seemed to accent this rage, giving him a demonic, glowing aura.
I scanned the room in search of something… anything that I might be able to use to aid my escape, but there was nothing. The five others who had entered with me sat in their seats staring forward as if they didn’t realize the commotion happening around them.
“Hey!” I shouted, trying to get their attention as the large man tightened his grip on my shoulder and brought his other hand up to my opposite shoulder.
He had a grip on me like a vice, lifting me clear off my feet and dangling me in the air for a moment. I flailed my legs in a vain attempt to free myself from his grip. It was pointless, though. He was the size of a full grown ox, triple my weight, and he had a strong hold on me.
I stopped resisting for a moment and thought. The pressure bearing down on my chest and arms was shortening my breaths and clouding my mind. I couldn’t figure out how I would escape and had begun to accept my fate. I’d gotten in too far over my head.
Then, it hit me. The woman didn’t seem to be impervious like Morgue. I was able to land a swift punch to her face that she had yet to recover from. I looked over the large man’s shoulder, at the heap of bone and flesh on the floor. She panted, gripping at her face, but she did not stand.
I found myself in another dilemma, though. My arms were pinned to my sides, so landing a punch was out of the question.
Think… think! I told myself in my mind.
The thought came quickly, and I acted just as fast. I reared my leg back, winding up for a powerful kick before whipping it forward, as hard as I could. I felt the top part of my foot land hard in his crotch. Flesh collapsed under the force of my kick, and I saw the man’s expression quickly change. The fury left him, replaced by absolute agony.
He quickly released his grip on me and his hands found their way to his family jewels. He let out a groan and exhaled all the air from his lungs as he fell to the ground. I stumbled down, watching Morgue make a slow and methodical approach.
He walked by the heap of man on the floor, staring down at him with utter disgust.
“Pathetic…” he said through gritted teeth as he reared back and landed a kick. Morgue’s heavy boot connected with the man’s ribs and an inconceivably loud crunch echoed through the room, causing me to wince in repulsion.
It became clear to me then that Morgue had no sympathy for his “colleagues.” They were likely just people that he’d converted to his twisted religion. People who saw no other option than to do as they were told.
I looked back at the people, still seated and staring up at the wall. Their eyes were fixed on that glowing symbol on the wall behind where Morgue had made his dramatic introduction.
Then, something happened. Something I still can’t quite explain.
All at once, the people let out an exhausted breath. A glowing, misty cloud escaped each of their mouths and made its way to the front of the room, falling onto the painted symbol on the wall. It appeared to be pulling the mist into the center, as if it were some sort of vacuum. The glow pulsated, growing brighter then dimming, as it absorbed the cloud.
Then, as the last of it escaped their mouths, the people collapsed from their seats and laid in heaps on the ground. I stared in horror as their bodies quickly decayed before my eyes, turning into ash before collapsing into small mountains of grey dust that glowed under the club style lighting around me.
That… That could’ve been me… I thought, trembling in fear.
I turned my head and looked back at Morgue, who took a deep breath in through his nose, closing his eyes and letting a sinister grin stretch across his face from ear to ear. When he let the breath out and looked at me, a warm sensation spread across my front as my bladder emptied its contents from complete and utter fear.
His eyes glowed in their sockets. Not like your typical neon glow under a blacklight. No, they were bright red, like laser beams shooting from his eyes. His emaciated frame had suddenly filled out, his muscle nearly tripling in size, veins bulging from his chest and biceps. His trapezius swelled up, eliminating the appearance of a neck.
I couldn’t move. My legs simply would not take me to safety and instead, remained planted in place as the warm urine continued to spread across my jeans. Morgue continued to transform before my eyes. His hands became increasingly large, and his black fingernails, which I had previously assumed to be painted, grew into long, sharp talons.
Finally, my legs took what my brain told them to do and acted, but not in the way I expected. Rather than bolting for the door, they decided to slowly back away from this monster. Not a terrible move, I must say, but not the smartest.
I continued backing up, kicking metal folding chairs out of my way without taking my eyes off of the snarling beast before me. It appeared his terrifying and amazing transformation was complete and he had now locked eyes with me. My heart felt like it was going to jump up my throat and out of my mouth, beating crazily in my chest as the beast approached.
I felt myself back into something solid, a cool breeze shot up my back from below. The air conditioner, and the cool wall against my back was the window.
Morgue snarled inhumanly deep, squelching gurgles as he continued taking heavy, thumping steps toward me.
He stopped for a moment, just over arms length away from me.
A split second of silence. A brief thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d make it out alive. Maybe he would just let me leave.
That thought exited my mind quickly as he leapt forward, barreling straight at me with his steroid built body. His feet fell one over another, thundering below me and vibrating the carpeted floor beneath my feet.
Time seemed to stand still for a moment.
Then I felt it.
The stinging sensation of his claws digging into my torso. The vibrating pulsation of puncturing talons inserting themselves deep into my skin, making their way below layer after layer of skin until they found muscle and seated themselves into it.
The sound of shattering glass behind me as the window I was propped up against gave way, sending myself and Morgue plummeting twelve stories down.
We flipped through the air as my insides twisted and butterflies fluttered in my torso. Morgue still had his claws deep inside of my stomach, but I couldn’t feel them. I couldn’t feel anything as the adrenaline pumped hard through my veins.
I could hear screams gaining volume below me, barely audible over the roar of wind invading my ears. I closed my eyes and came to grips with the reality that this was my demise. I stopped with a thud, air forcing its way out of my lungs before blacking out.
Small bits of consciousness came back to me violently. Flashes of incomprehensible pieces of reality interrupted by darkness.
The feeling of drowning, air being replaced by water inside of my lungs, a pulsating pressure on my sternum followed by oxygen forcing its way down my trachea. Flashing red lights and two men lifting my body off the ground.
When I finally awoke, my surroundings were foreign. Rhythmic beeping played in the background coupled with the intermittent hissing of oxygen purging itself from over-pressurized lines.
I looked around, squinting my eyes as the fluorescent lighting above me shone down. Intravenous fluid lines invaded my right arm. My left was wrapped in a hard cast. Aches in my back and chest caused my breathing to be short and labored. My mouth was impossibly dry, lips sticking together as I opened and tried to speak.
“Hello?” I said, forcing the words out in a gritty screech.
I was alone. An off-white thermal blanket draped over me as I laid, sprawled out on a hospital bed. One of the many monitors attached to me began beeping faster before someone finally entered. A woman in scrubs bearing a familiar comic book character symbol walked in.
“Oh, excellent!” she cheered in a tone that was all too chipper. “You’re awake. Your doctor will be so happy to hear that! How are you feeling?”
I could hear genuine concern in her tone, but didn’t know how to answer.
“Wha-” I started but was cut off.
“What happened?” She asked, assuming what I was thinking. “You fell twelve stories out of your hotel room. Luckily you went right into the pool and one of the brave, albeit drunk, guys downstairs was able to fish you out in time.”
I sat there for a moment, the look on my face that of pure confusion. Then, everything came back to me in a horrific flash. I felt my pulse speeding up as the panic began to flow freely through my veins. The monotonous beeping sped up, giving away my secret to the nurse.
“Woah, woah,” she said. “It’s okay. Just calm down a moment.”
She held her hands in front of her, palms out as if to say “don’t worry.” I could do anything but. Thoughts flowed freely through my mind. Where had Morgue gone? Would he be back?
My chest began to sting and throb as my breathing became heavier. I sighed and gasped in pain. The nurse seemed to read me like a book, making sense of my guttural noises.
“You’ve got a handful of broken ribs and some pretty serious puncture wounds across your chest. You need to take it easy. I’m going to give you a mild sedative. Just something to calm your nerves.”
She held up a needle before inserting it into the IV line sticking out of my arm. As she depressed the plunger, I felt the cold liquid spread through my veins. A few seconds later, the effects of the medicine became noticeable. She placed the syringe into a sharps bin before turning back to me and removing her rubber gloves.
“Your doctor will be in shortly.”
She smiled, turned and left the room. My mouth still felt like a desert, but I felt myself slowly drifting to sleep once again. A restful daze took its hold on me as my eyelids grew heavier and heavier with each passing moment.
Visions of Morgue making his daring and terrible transformation invaded my mind, sending me reeling in horror as the scene played out in my head once again. A disembodied voice that I hadn’t recognized repeated my name over and over again.
“Jona-ton?” he asked. “Jona-ton, are you awake?
He spoke with a hispanic accent, saying my name with the slightest inflection at the end.
My eyes shot open and relief washed over me as I realized I was still in the safety of the hospital room. A man was seated next to my bed. Dark complexion with black hair slicked back and a thick layer of scruff covering his chin.
“Buenas dias,” he said, smiling as he looked down at his clipboard. “How are you feeling?”
I struggled to speak through my dry mouth and the utter exhaustion I felt.
“Crappy,” I said in a raspy whisper.
“As expected,” he gave a half-hearted chuckle before continuing. “You fell nearly a hundred and twenty feet. You’re quite lucky to be alive. Can you tell me your name?”
“Yeah… ah,” I winced in pain as I attempted to prop myself up a bit. “Jonathon Winslow.” I said, struggling through the words as my squeaky voice grounded away in my throat.
“Good, Jona-ton. Now,” he straightened the glasses perched on his nose. “I am going to leave you here with Officer Black. She has a couple questions for you regarding how you fell from that window.”
He motioned towards the door where a small, petite woman entered the room. She wore a blue uniform adorned with a patch on her left shoulder that read “Las Vegas Police Department.” Her small nose, narrow eyes and darker complexion told me she was likely of Asian descent.
“Hello, mister Winslow.” She said, bringing a lime green clipboard up to her chest and jotting something down. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Her eyes jumped from the piece of green plastic she held and met my gaze. I knew she wouldn’t believe my story, but what else could I say? The nervousness was definitely showing on my face. If I didn’t choose my words carefully, I could be committed to some sort of psych ward or mental institution under the Baker Act, and I certainly didn’t belong there.
I pondered what could possibly go wrong if I just admitted why I’d gone there in the first place, and simply left out the part where Morgue turned into some sort of demonic monster. It wasn’t so far fetched to think I’d gone there searching for something to believe in and when I showed up, I was met with a group of psychopaths who ultimately tried to kill me before tossing me out the window.
I opted for that excuse which Officer Black seemed to have no trouble believing. I guess the stories about Vegas are true - anything goes in this city.
She took down a description of all three people, but I knew nothing would be done. There was nothing they could do. They didn’t have a real name, and from the clock on the wall I knew it was at least 9am, meaning they’d had 9 hours to make their escape.
She nodded, thanking me for the information, turned and exited.
The doctor entered once again and informed me that I would need a few tests. Being conscious would allow them to find brain damage easier, if there was any.
Aside from a somewhat minor concussion, several broken ribs, a broken arm, and multiple lacerations and puncture wounds, I was ultimately given a clean bill of health. But what would I do? I was stuck in Vegas with no money, no car and no job waiting for me back home.
I left the hospital and found that it was surprisingly easy to secure a payday loan. It struck me as odd at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that a guy being stranded in Vegas with no car or money might be a pretty common scenario.
After securing a flight and making my way home, I finally felt safe. I could settle back into reality, knowing that the existence Morgue had preached about was non-existent. I couldn’t help but feel a bit of paranoia, though. The thought that everytime I looked over my shoulder or around a dark corner, Morgue would be there. His hulking figure and large talons ready to finish the job they’d started sent chills down my spine and anxiety gripping my chest.
Getting my job back was tough. Not because my boss didn’t want me back, but because I had to put my pride to the wayside and formulate a somewhat embarrassing lie. The look on his face changed in an instant.
At first he’d had a contemptuous look, eyebrows parallel and a frown smeared across his jaw, ready for me to get down on my knees and beg. But as soon as I told him that I’d quit because I was in a bad place mentally, and that I needed to get help, his expression shifted. His eyebrows raised in a state of concern, the frown, although still present, no longer conveyed contempt but worry.
“Oh, Jonathon. I’m sorry, man…” He’d told me, eyes darting around his head like a madman. “You’re welcome back here as soon as you can. Take a few days to yourself and then we’ll see you back here on… say, Monday?”
I smiled, unsure of what to say other than:
“Sounds good, thank you. I appreciate your understanding.”
I turned and walked out after a quick handshake, the feeling of accomplishment forming a victorious smirk on my face. Things were back to normal. My weekend was insane, but now I could settle back into the norm.
A few weeks passed. Things were going as good as they could, but that empty feeling had begun to return. I could feel myself falling back into a slump.
Browsing through facebook seemed to be my time waster of choice. Scrolling through and liking photos, laughing internally at memes, watching short videos of people doing dumb stuff that ultimately resulted in them being hurt. Typical internet stuff.
Then, I saw it. That androgynous man, no eye brows. Long, white-blonde hair draped over his face in matted, wet strands. He stared into the camera, speaking familiar teachings. Things about how to control the universe - how to make it work in your favor.
I wouldn’t be tempted this time, though. I knew his secret. I knew what his endgame was.
I tapped my thumb on the profile picture associated with Morgue, taking me to an archive of all his videos. Some familiar, some new. I didn’t watch them, though. I simply clicked the “more options” tab, scrolled to the bottom of the menu and clicked “Block User.”

Moved from Dallas to Chicago. Kinda sad I’m no longer near WinStar and Choctaw anymore but the nearest casino to me is Horseshoe Hammond in Indiana, never heard anybody speak about them. Anybody ever been there? Can you share your experience?

I started seeing his videos on Facebook. They’d just pop up on my timeline.
He looked odd. Long, white hair that was straight and extended down past his stomach. His eyebrows were shaved off, or maybe they were never there to begin with, it was impossible to tell. He wore strange make-up to accent his inhuman features and project an alternative style.
His voice was both confident and articulate, but it was the things he said that drew me in. He spoke about the wonders of the universe, how it all worked and how every little thing we saw was nothing more than a complex system of mathematics put together to form what we perceived as reality.
Intrigued and desperate for something to believe in greater than myself, I couldn’t help but watch hours upon hours of the man. He was known only as Morgue, and he preached a religion in which he seemed to be the founder of or, at the very least, a strong influencer of the belief.
I’ll admit, looking back on Hyperianism, I should’ve seen it. I should’ve known that following something like this would only result in pain, but I was naive and, as I said before, desperate. My faith had been a bit wobbly before I found Morgue. My heart was empty and hopeless.
Then, as if by divine intervention, he was there.
His video, which was nothing more than a square jawed, androgynous man staring into a camera and speaking, drew me in. I think it was the eloquent intensity he spoke with. The way he explained how the world and all the scenarios that play out around us are just complex systems of math equations ebbing and flowing through space and time, something he’d dubbed Hyperianism.
It was genuinely titillating.
And even better - at the end of one of his more recent videos, aptly titled “The reason your life is empty,” he spoke of a meet and greet happening exactly one week from the time I’d watched it. An opportunity to speak with Morgue himself, along with his two closest colleagues, regarding Hyperianism and how to become a member of the “church.”
Sure, at first I had the thought that they would try to sell me something. I figured it was just a way for them to collect money. But then, as if he was answering my questions as they popped into my mind, he said:
“No, we will not try to sell you anything. And no, we are not looking for donations. We are looking for dedicated members of society who want to fulfill their destiny and become Hyperianists. Individuals who want nothing more than to know the truth. To EVOLVE beyond your wildest dreams.”
My mind was made up. I had my plane tickets bought only minutes after the video ended and excitement began to bubble inside of me. I was going to get to meet this man. To become a part of something greater than myself. To find something to believe in, finally!
Getting the time off work proved to be difficult. My boss refused to grant me a leave of absence, and because I didn’t have the vacation time accumulated he wouldn’t approve it that way either. So, I quit.
From what Morgue said in his video:
“You won’t need to be confined to human monotony. You won’t need a job after you’ve accepted Hyperianism. You will see the world for its true self. You will find yourself on a different plane, above all the rest.”
Over the course of the following week I took my money out of savings. I felt that, although after my religious awakening was complete I wouldn’t need these things, I would need to survive in the meantime. Food, water and shelter were still necessary.
Finally, the day arrived. The day I was to travel to Las Vegas in search of a man named Morgue who could show me divinity in its purest form. Looking back, even as I type that, I know it wasn’t my smartest move. Desperation can lead people to do things that don’t always make sense.
I boarded the airplane with only a single bag. I figured I wouldn’t need anything more. I would be awakened and, as Morgue said:
“Human constructs need not be collected post-divination. Your mind will be open to the complex system of mathematical sines and cosines around you. Material possessions will be deemed pointless, in your mind’s eye.”
The flight landed. The sky was dark seeing as my flight arrived shortly after 9pm, but the bright lights from the nearby, infamous Vegas Strip illuminated the atmosphere in surreal intensity.
Seeing the line-up of hotels and casinos, the characters travelling up and down the main drag with odd clothes and exotic animals and the people bustling about this late at night, drunkenly stumbling around the wide sidewalk caused me to smile ear to ear with exhilarated giddiness.
I approached my hotel, nerves causing my legs to wobble beneath me. I could feel my hands vibrating with a tremor, something I hadn’t been victim to before.
This was going to change my life. I could feel it.
The meeting wasn’t going to start until midnight because, as Morgue said in his video:
“Time is merely a construct meant to keep the human population at bay and without freedom. We will not be confined by imaginary constraints. We will remain nocturnal and break the chains of society’s overwatch on us. We will do as we please with whom we please. We will not be bound.”
I checked into my hotel room, having to place a large sum of money down as a deposit since I was paying in cash. The room was nice. Not quite as nice as I expected for how much I paid, but I didn’t think much of it. My mind just replayed Morgue’s words and I felt at ease.
I relaxed in my hotel room for a few hours, taking a few of the overly priced shots from the mini bar. By about 11pm, I’d started to feel a bit of a buzz and an overt amount of boredom. I figured I’d kill the hour downstairs in the casino playing some nickel and dime slots.
As you probably guessed, I didn’t win much. I just blew through about two-hundred dollars worth of change, and downed another two or three drinks in the short span of an hour, without so much as a second thought.
Then, the time came. I received a text from an unknown number giving me simple instructions:
“Go to room 1274.”
Easy enough.
When I got up to the twelfth floor, I saw a baker’s dozen people heading in the same direction as me. They moved slow, zombie-like and had vacant expressions on their faces clouded by a deep seated anxiety deep inside their eyes.
Their lack of physical emotion sent chills down my spine. A feeling that was hard to shake off as I joined the herd and headed toward room 1274. My mind was fuzzy on account of the drinks, but that didn’t stop me from wandering through the depths of my mind and playing scenario after horrifying scenario.
The image of robed figures splaying me out on a pedestal, spilling my innards over some sort of satanic symbols followed thoughts that perhaps I was walking into some sort of trap.
I tried to force the negativity to leave my mind by using some techniques I’d picked up in a few of Morgue’s videos, but they didn’t seem to be working. That should have been the first sign that something about this wasn’t quite what it was hyped up to be.
I went forward, swallowing my fear and fighting my legs to continue moving down the hall and into the door to room 1274.
When I arrived, following the half dozen or so people who hadn’t changed their minds halfway down the hall, I couldn’t help but notice the room was impossibly dark. Uninviting scents of sweat and incense wafted into my nose as I sat down on a small folding chair.
Everyone around me was silent, waiting patiently for any sign that we were in the right place. After an excruciatingly long five minutes of anxious waiting, something started to happen.
A sound of deep bass bellowed throughout the room. Black lights lined the ceiling, illuminating a geometric symbol painted on the wall and causing it to glow bright blue.
A man, deathly skinny with long hair that also seemed to glow under the neon purple lighting, stepped up in front of the chairs and began speaking.
“Good evening.” He said in a familiar, articulate tone. “Tonight you have chosen to be awakened. You have seen that there is something more and you wish to be pushed into a state of divination.”
A stage light shined from behind me, causing his pale skin to glow bright white. The familiar man who’s videos I’d obsessively watched over the past few days looked a bit different. He was older. Much older.
“I am here to guide you into a state of consciousness that you have only dreamt about. I am here to give you the push required to open your mind.”
He made a gentle pushing gesture with his hands. It was theatrical, just like his videos. He smiled a terrible, crooked tooth, squinty-eyed smile. It shouted malice, but my mind argued with my instincts. It told me that I was being irrational; that my fear of the unknown was forcing me to see things that weren’t true.
Two people who made themselves known as Morgue’s colleagues began to make their way around to each of the six people that sat scattered throughout the room.
One was a lady, tall and thin like Morgue. She was covered from head to toe in tattoos of oddly configured shapes, all symmetrical from what I could see. She had a thick gauged septum ring that connected at each end of the horseshoe style jewelry to thin chains that strung up to her eyebrows and attached to circular rings there. It gave the faint appearance of a veil draped over her face.
The other was a large man. Round, as if he didn’t get the memo that food was no longer a necessity. He sported a tall, stiff mohawk. He opened his mouth as he approached me, revealing tarnished silver teeth. His eyes were inhuman, cat-like marbles set deep inside his perspiring head.
“Freedom awaits,” he said, handing me a small paper stick.
I wasn’t sure what to make of the small object, but it looked and felt similar to a pixie stick. Long and cylindrical with a sand like material that moved around as I kneaded it.
Morgue continued in the fashion of a true showman:
“We are here to help all who will welcome us. We want each and every one of you to take control of your destiny. To unlock your true potential and transcend this monotonous reality into a true state of nirvana and open-ended bliss. You will be in control of everything around you, changing that which does not please you, and highlighting that which does.”
He presented a cylinder identical to the one we all now held in our hands. The two punk-rock sidekicks joined him on stage, standing just outside of the spotlight.
The trio reminded me more of a circus sideshow, or some sort of freak show, rather than a group of religious leaders. That familiar anxiety began to grow inside me once again, fizzling deep within my stomach and tying my gut into a thick knot.
“Now,” Morgue said, raising his cylinder. “Raise your prophetic dust and ingest it with me. Become one with Hyperianism and leave behind this pathetic and putrid existence.”
He turned the cylinder up, into his mouth, tilting his head back. His Adam’s Apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, inhumanly large like some sort of clementine stuck halfway down his esophagus.
His words sent my mind on a rampage of negative thoughts and terrifying realities. Was I right? Was this some sort of Jim Jones or Dave Koresh scenario that I’d gotten myself caught up in? How would I escape?
My breathing became rapid and erratic. A thick layer of sweat began to form all across my body and the room started to close in around me. My heart pounded deep inside my chest as I reached up and tugged at my collar, vainly attempting to cool my body.
I looked around and saw only two others doing as he commanded. The rest seemed to make the same connection as I did and simply looked around. Then, all four of our eyes fell on the two followers, as well as Morgue himself.
They’d ingested this substance that was likely poison. Any second now, they should begin to show signs. Foaming at the mouth, writhing on the floor, something…
But there was nothing. No sign that they had just willingly killed themselves.
Morgue also looked fine. If anything, he actually looked ten years younger, as if he’d stepped into the fountain of youth before our eyes. I wasn’t sure what the rest of the crowd was thinking, but this was only partially comforting. It was clear, at least in my mind, that Morgue had simply taken a placebo. The real poison was held by those of us seated in front of him.
But still, the two who were brave enough to try it didn’t fall out or start convulsing uncontrollably, which sparked my curiosity. If it wasn’t poison, then what was it? Still, I wasn’t curious enough to find out for myself, regardless of how compelling Morgue’s videos had been. Sure, he’d made a decent argument for his cause online, but undeniable proof would’ve been more convincing.
Unfortunately for the other devotees, they saw things differently. They looked to one another before upturning the small cylinders, dumping the contents into their mouths. Each of them shuddered in disgust as the fine powder hit their tongues and began to work its way down their throats.
A man two seats to my right looked at me. The pained expression of utter disgust quickly washing away from his face, replaced by a euphoric absence as his eyes glazed over. Now, he looked more like a slave to the substance than a man free of human constraint.
My eyes quickly darted to the front of the room. Morgue and his two sidekicks appeared to be eyeing me. Waiting for me to make the same choice as the others around me. He looked at the woman to his left, then turned his head dramatically to the heavy-set man to his right. I noticed his skin appeared to glow brighter under the spot light, nearly blinding me.
“There’s always one…” he said, trailing off with a sinister laugh.
The woman suddenly appeared to my right. It was impossible and caused me to jump with a start. She had literally just been ten feet in front of me and, in the blink of an eye, appeared by my side. The rotund man was on my left, also as if by some sort of magical teleportation.
They extended arms out toward me, sending me into a panicked hysteria. My mind suddenly switched focus. It was now fight or flight, and flight didn’t seem like much of an option seeing as how I was surrounded.
Adrenaline surged through my veins, sending gooseflesh rising across my body. My limbs shook uncontrollably. I managed, after a moment of pure terror, to clench a fist and hurl it at the woman. It was against my natural instincts, having been raised to never hit a woman, but she was a threat and I was left with no other choice.
My knuckles connected with her nose and I heard a loud crunch as my hand struck her face. I pulled back, but something held my hand in place against her face, resisting as I attempted to pull away. Without thinking, I jerked my hand back.
She grabbed her face and let out a yawp, collapsing to the floor and writhing in agony. I looked down at my throbbing hand and noticed thin chains encircling my fist, embedded into the skin in some areas. Small bits of flesh hung on the ends attached to circular rings.
I knew this was my only chance. I had to run. I had to go and never look back.
I jumped up, over the small folding chairs and bolted towards the door. Morgue stood there, blocking the only exit. He was motionless, his arms crossed over his shirtless torso and his large, penetrating eyes staring at me with contempt.
The foreboding sense of pure dread lingered in the air, thick enough to cut. I stared at Morgue as I came to a halt about six feet away from him. I was unsure if I should try to rush him or if I should look for another escape route.
My time was running short and I knew it. I knew if I didn’t try to make my escape now, I wouldn’t have another opportunity. I decided to rush him, remembering my brief stint in elementary school football. I sprinted toward him, ready to make the tackle. I came in low and wrapped my arms around his waist but he didn’t budge. I was stopped in my tracks as if he was made of stone, slamming my shoulder into rock hard flesh.
I stumbled back, gripping my aching shoulder. Why didn’t he move? Was this really how I was meant to die? I refused to accept it. I couldn’t allow myself to fall victim to this… thing.
“You cannot escape us.” He said, slowly stepping toward me.
I felt a hand grip my shoulder and whipped my head around to see the familiar large man covered in tattoos. The henchman who’d handed me the prospective poison. Rage billowed deep within his eyes, his mouth was turned up in a horrid scowl. The neon lighting of the room seemed to accent this rage, giving him a demonic, glowing aura.
I scanned the room in search of something… anything that I might be able to use to aid my escape, but there was nothing. The five others who had entered with me sat in their seats staring forward as if they didn’t realize the commotion happening around them.
“Hey!” I shouted, trying to get their attention as the large man tightened his grip on my shoulder and brought his other hand up to my opposite shoulder.
He had a grip on me like a vice, lifting me clear off my feet and dangling me in the air for a moment. I flailed my legs in a vain attempt to free myself from his grip. It was pointless, though. He was the size of a full grown ox, triple my weight, and he had a strong hold on me.
I stopped resisting for a moment and thought. The pressure bearing down on my chest and arms was shortening my breaths and clouding my mind. I couldn’t figure out how I would escape and had begun to accept my fate. I’d gotten in too far over my head.
Then, it hit me. The woman didn’t seem to be impervious like Morgue. I was able to land a swift punch to her face that she had yet to recover from. I looked over the large man’s shoulder, at the heap of bone and flesh on the floor. She panted, gripping at her face, but she did not stand.
I found myself in another dilemma, though. My arms were pinned to my sides, so landing a punch was out of the question.
Think… think! I told myself in my mind.
The thought came quickly, and I acted just as fast. I reared my leg back, winding up for a powerful kick before whipping it forward, as hard as I could. I felt the top part of my foot land hard in his crotch. Flesh collapsed under the force of my kick, and I saw the man’s expression quickly change. The fury left him, replaced by absolute agony.
He quickly released his grip on me and his hands found their way to his family jewels. He let out a groan and exhaled all the air from his lungs as he fell to the ground. I stumbled down, watching Morgue make a slow and methodical approach.
He walked by the heap of man on the floor, staring down at him with utter disgust.
“Pathetic…” he said through gritted teeth as he reared back and landed a kick. Morgue’s heavy boot connected with the man’s ribs and an inconceivably loud crunch echoed through the room, causing me to wince in repulsion.
It became clear to me then that Morgue had no sympathy for his “colleagues.” They were likely just people that he’d converted to his twisted religion. People who saw no other option than to do as they were told.
I looked back at the people, still seated and staring up at the wall. Their eyes were fixed on that glowing symbol on the wall behind where Morgue had made his dramatic introduction.
Then, something happened. Something I still can’t quite explain.
All at once, the people let out an exhausted breath. A glowing, misty cloud escaped each of their mouths and made its way to the front of the room, falling onto the painted symbol on the wall. It appeared to be pulling the mist into the center, as if it were some sort of vacuum. The glow pulsated, growing brighter then dimming, as it absorbed the cloud.
Then, as the last of it escaped their mouths, the people collapsed from their seats and laid in heaps on the ground. I stared in horror as their bodies quickly decayed before my eyes, turning into ash before collapsing into small mountains of grey dust that glowed under the club style lighting around me.
That… That could’ve been me… I thought, trembling in fear.
I turned my head and looked back at Morgue, who took a deep breath in through his nose, closing his eyes and letting a sinister grin stretch across his face from ear to ear. When he let the breath out and looked at me, a warm sensation spread across my front as my bladder emptied its contents from complete and utter fear.
His eyes glowed in their sockets. Not like your typical neon glow under a blacklight. No, they were bright red, like laser beams shooting from his eyes. His emaciated frame had suddenly filled out, his muscle nearly tripling in size, veins bulging from his chest and biceps. His trapezius swelled up, eliminating the appearance of a neck.
I couldn’t move. My legs simply would not take me to safety and instead, remained planted in place as the warm urine continued to spread across my jeans. Morgue continued to transform before my eyes. His hands became increasingly large, and his black fingernails, which I had previously assumed to be painted, grew into long, sharp talons.
Finally, my legs took what my brain told them to do and acted, but not in the way I expected. Rather than bolting for the door, they decided to slowly back away from this monster. Not a terrible move, I must say, but not the smartest.
I continued backing up, kicking metal folding chairs out of my way without taking my eyes off of the snarling beast before me. It appeared his terrifying and amazing transformation was complete and he had now locked eyes with me. My heart felt like it was going to jump up my throat and out of my mouth, beating crazily in my chest as the beast approached.
I felt myself back into something solid, a cool breeze shot up my back from below. The air conditioner, and the cool wall against my back was the window.
Morgue snarled inhumanly deep, squelching gurgles as he continued taking heavy, thumping steps toward me.
He stopped for a moment, just over arms length away from me.
A split second of silence. A brief thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d make it out alive. Maybe he would just let me leave.
That thought exited my mind quickly as he leapt forward, barreling straight at me with his steroid built body. His feet fell one over another, thundering below me and vibrating the carpeted floor beneath my feet.
Time seemed to stand still for a moment.
Then I felt it.
The stinging sensation of his claws digging into my torso. The vibrating pulsation of puncturing talons inserting themselves deep into my skin, making their way below layer after layer of skin until they found muscle and seated themselves into it.
The sound of shattering glass behind me as the window I was propped up against gave way, sending myself and Morgue plummeting twelve stories down.
We flipped through the air as my insides twisted and butterflies fluttered in my torso. Morgue still had his claws deep inside of my stomach, but I couldn’t feel them. I couldn’t feel anything as the adrenaline pumped hard through my veins.
I could hear screams gaining volume below me, barely audible over the roar of wind invading my ears. I closed my eyes and came to grips with the reality that this was my demise. I stopped with a thud, air forcing its way out of my lungs before blacking out.
Small bits of consciousness came back to me violently. Flashes of incomprehensible pieces of reality interrupted by darkness.
The feeling of drowning, air being replaced by water inside of my lungs, a pulsating pressure on my sternum followed by oxygen forcing its way down my trachea. Flashing red lights and two men lifting my body off the ground.
When I finally awoke, my surroundings were foreign. Rhythmic beeping played in the background coupled with the intermittent hissing of oxygen purging itself from over-pressurized lines.
I looked around, squinting my eyes as the fluorescent lighting above me shone down. Intravenous fluid lines invaded my right arm. My left was wrapped in a hard cast. Aches in my back and chest caused my breathing to be short and labored. My mouth was impossibly dry, lips sticking together as I opened and tried to speak.
“Hello?” I said, forcing the words out in a gritty screech.
I was alone. An off-white thermal blanket draped over me as I laid, sprawled out on a hospital bed. One of the many monitors attached to me began beeping faster before someone finally entered. A woman in scrubs bearing a familiar comic book character symbol walked in.
“Oh, excellent!” she cheered in a tone that was all too chipper. “You’re awake. Your doctor will be so happy to hear that! How are you feeling?”
I could hear genuine concern in her tone, but didn’t know how to answer.
“Wha-” I started but was cut off.
“What happened?” She asked, assuming what I was thinking. “You fell twelve stories out of your hotel room. Luckily you went right into the pool and one of the brave, albeit drunk, guys downstairs was able to fish you out in time.”
I sat there for a moment, the look on my face that of pure confusion. Then, everything came back to me in a horrific flash. I felt my pulse speeding up as the panic began to flow freely through my veins. The monotonous beeping sped up, giving away my secret to the nurse.
“Woah, woah,” she said. “It’s okay. Just calm down a moment.”
She held her hands in front of her, palms out as if to say “don’t worry.” I could do anything but. Thoughts flowed freely through my mind. Where had Morgue gone? Would he be back?
My chest began to sting and throb as my breathing became heavier. I sighed and gasped in pain. The nurse seemed to read me like a book, making sense of my guttural noises.
“You’ve got a handful of broken ribs and some pretty serious puncture wounds across your chest. You need to take it easy. I’m going to give you a mild sedative. Just something to calm your nerves.”
She held up a needle before inserting it into the IV line sticking out of my arm. As she depressed the plunger, I felt the cold liquid spread through my veins. A few seconds later, the effects of the medicine became noticeable. She placed the syringe into a sharps bin before turning back to me and removing her rubber gloves.
“Your doctor will be in shortly.”
She smiled, turned and left the room. My mouth still felt like a desert, but I felt myself slowly drifting to sleep once again. A restful daze took its hold on me as my eyelids grew heavier and heavier with each passing moment.
Visions of Morgue making his daring and terrible transformation invaded my mind, sending me reeling in horror as the scene played out in my head once again. A disembodied voice that I hadn’t recognized repeated my name over and over again.
“Jona-ton?” he asked. “Jona-ton, are you awake?
He spoke with a hispanic accent, saying my name with the slightest inflection at the end.
My eyes shot open and relief washed over me as I realized I was still in the safety of the hospital room. A man was seated next to my bed. Dark complexion with black hair slicked back and a thick layer of scruff covering his chin.
“Buenas dias,” he said, smiling as he looked down at his clipboard. “How are you feeling?”
I struggled to speak through my dry mouth and the utter exhaustion I felt.
“Crappy,” I said in a raspy whisper.
“As expected,” he gave a half-hearted chuckle before continuing. “You fell nearly a hundred and twenty feet. You’re quite lucky to be alive. Can you tell me your name?”
“Yeah… ah,” I winced in pain as I attempted to prop myself up a bit. “Jonathon Winslow.” I said, struggling through the words as my squeaky voice grounded away in my throat.
“Good, Jona-ton. Now,” he straightened the glasses perched on his nose. “I am going to leave you here with Officer Black. She has a couple questions for you regarding how you fell from that window.”
He motioned towards the door where a small, petite woman entered the room. She wore a blue uniform adorned with a patch on her left shoulder that read “Las Vegas Police Department.” Her small nose, narrow eyes and darker complexion told me she was likely of Asian descent.
“Hello, mister Winslow.” She said, bringing a lime green clipboard up to her chest and jotting something down. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Her eyes jumped from the piece of green plastic she held and met my gaze. I knew she wouldn’t believe my story, but what else could I say? The nervousness was definitely showing on my face. If I didn’t choose my words carefully, I could be committed to some sort of psych ward or mental institution under the Baker Act, and I certainly didn’t belong there.
I pondered what could possibly go wrong if I just admitted why I’d gone there in the first place, and simply left out the part where Morgue turned into some sort of demonic monster. It wasn’t so far fetched to think I’d gone there searching for something to believe in and when I showed up, I was met with a group of psychopaths who ultimately tried to kill me before tossing me out the window.
I opted for that excuse which Officer Black seemed to have no trouble believing. I guess the stories about Vegas are true - anything goes in this city.
She took down a description of all three people, but I knew nothing would be done. There was nothing they could do. They didn’t have a real name, and from the clock on the wall I knew it was at least 9am, meaning they’d had 9 hours to make their escape.
She nodded, thanking me for the information, turned and exited.
The doctor entered once again and informed me that I would need a few tests. Being conscious would allow them to find brain damage easier, if there was any.
Aside from a somewhat minor concussion, several broken ribs, a broken arm, and multiple lacerations and puncture wounds, I was ultimately given a clean bill of health. But what would I do? I was stuck in Vegas with no money, no car and no job waiting for me back home.
I left the hospital and found that it was surprisingly easy to secure a payday loan. It struck me as odd at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that a guy being stranded in Vegas with no car or money might be a pretty common scenario.
After securing a flight and making my way home, I finally felt safe. I could settle back into reality, knowing that the existence Morgue had preached about was non-existent. I couldn’t help but feel a bit of paranoia, though. The thought that everytime I looked over my shoulder or around a dark corner, Morgue would be there. His hulking figure and large talons ready to finish the job they’d started sent chills down my spine and anxiety gripping my chest.
Getting my job back was tough. Not because my boss didn’t want me back, but because I had to put my pride to the wayside and formulate a somewhat embarrassing lie. The look on his face changed in an instant.
At first he’d had a contemptuous look, eyebrows parallel and a frown smeared across his jaw, ready for me to get down on my knees and beg. But as soon as I told him that I’d quit because I was in a bad place mentally, and that I needed to get help, his expression shifted. His eyebrows raised in a state of concern, the frown, although still present, no longer conveyed contempt but worry.
“Oh, Jonathon. I’m sorry, man…” He’d told me, eyes darting around his head like a madman. “You’re welcome back here as soon as you can. Take a few days to yourself and then we’ll see you back here on… say, Monday?”
I smiled, unsure of what to say other than:
“Sounds good, thank you. I appreciate your understanding.”
I turned and walked out after a quick handshake, the feeling of accomplishment forming a victorious smirk on my face. Things were back to normal. My weekend was insane, but now I could settle back into the norm.
A few weeks passed. Things were going as good as they could, but that empty feeling had begun to return. I could feel myself falling back into a slump.
Browsing through facebook seemed to be my time waster of choice. Scrolling through and liking photos, laughing internally at memes, watching short videos of people doing dumb stuff that ultimately resulted in them being hurt. Typical internet stuff.
Then, I saw it. That androgynous man, no eye brows. Long, white-blonde hair draped over his face in matted, wet strands. He stared into the camera, speaking familiar teachings. Things about how to control the universe - how to make it work in your favor.
I wouldn’t be tempted this time, though. I knew his secret. I knew what his endgame was.
I tapped my thumb on the profile picture associated with Morgue, taking me to an archive of all his videos. Some familiar, some new. I didn’t watch them, though. I simply clicked the “more options” tab, scrolled to the bottom of the menu and clicked “Block User.”